Bella and Edward's New Year's Eve Adventure
by Dahlia J Black
Summary: A New Year's Eve car crash, jammed phone lines and a dash of fate bring Bella and Edward together for an evening neither of them was expecting. Add couple of surprising twists and a few colorful friends, and they're in for an evening they'll never forget.
1. Accidental Introductions

**A/N: **Welcome to my first little foray into Bella and Edward. Yes, I've been writing fan fic for over a year, and I've never written this pairing. No, I am not flouncing Team Jacob. Bella/Jacob is still my OTP (next to Edward/Jacob *swoon*), but this is just something I needed to get out of my system.

The story was supposed to be called _Bella and Edward's __Slightly Strange__ New Year's Eve Adventure, _but sadly FFnet does not care for long titles. Thank you to Joolsy for choosing the shortened title for me before I had a melt down :)

The chapters will be short and fun, and I'll be hiding some musical surprises in each one, be it a lyric or a song title. As a reward to musical connoisseurs, if you identify the hidden lyric or song title, along with the artist, I'll add a teaser for the next chapter in my review reply. See? Fun!

Thank you to **Hopeful Wager** for expert beta skills, and my preview girls for assuring me this doesn't suck (blame them if it does, haha).

**All copyright****ed**** and trademarked items mentioned herein ****are the property of**** their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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**Chapter 1****: ****Accidental Introductions**

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**31 December 2009**

**7****:56 PM  
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_Now Playing: Death - White Lies_

"Motherfucking donkeyfisting shitballs!" I cried out, emphasizing each syllable by banging my head on the steering wheel. Not only was I late for my own fucking New Year's Eve party, but now Jake was going to kill me, too. And not kill me in the, "Oh-em-gee, I'm gonna _kill _you," cutesy kind of way. In the, "Let me take you into my workshop and show you how easily my table saw cuts into your throat," kind of way. I started to picture my own grave as I thought back on how I had to beg him to lend me the Rabbit for the evening (his car, you perv), and now it was a steaming wreck of metal wrapped around a traffic light.

I hesitantly glanced into the rear view mirror, afraid of the possibly crumpled mess of car behind me. I couldn't believe the douchebag crashed into me! Granted, I had swung over three lanes of traffic and cut in front of him, giving him less than a second to stop. But seriously, the dude drove a... silver Volvo, by the looks of it? Weren't those things supposed to have killer brakes? I unlocked the door and had to ram it open with my feet until it became unstuck, before stumbling into the street. I did a quick check for breaks and cuts, but I miraculously seemed to be fine. _Thank you__,__ seat belt_.

The driver of said Volvo had already climbed out of his car and was surveying the damage... or lack thereof by the looks of it. While Jake's car had been reduced to a giant hunk of scrap metal, the old-ish Volvo station wagon seemed to be completely fine, except for a few red scratches to the bumper and a busted headlight.

"Motherfucker!" I yelled in frustration.

"E-excuse me?" the bewildered-sounding guy stammered. His bright green eyes hidden behind square, black-rimmed glasses were wide with shock and a hint of fear.

"My car is an unrecognizable fucking _wreck_ and you're pretty silver monster is basically laughing at it. Does that seem fair to you?"

"It isn't really fair to be blaming the car, either," the guy said in a soft, matter-of-fact tone.

Strangely, his voice didn't have a hint of sarcasm or snark to it. He seemed to genuinely be taking the car's side in this, which would imply that he was silently blaming me (which would also be fair).

_Who the fuck is this guy? _I thought to myself as I finally took a moment to look at him properly.

He was kind of cute in an off-beat kind of way - taller than me, with wild bronzy-brown hair and the aforementioned bright green eyes. He wore unreasonably tight black skinny jeans (which I found unreasonably hot despite the increasing irritation I was feeling towards this strange boy) and a mossy green t-shirt under a black hoodie. Emblazoned on the front of the t-shirt was a picture of a blindfolded Earth reaching out towards the Sun with the words, _Getting Warmer_ printed beneath. A geeky emo environmentalist? Thank the Lord this dude was wearing Converse instead of sandals, or I might have seriously considered beating him up.

What? He was really skinny and I wasn't exactly what you'd call "petite." One well-placed punch to the throat and he'd be down for the count.

"Are you implying that this is _my_ fault?" I asked with narrowed eyes, trying to distract myself from his long legs which were threatening to divert me from my focused anger.

"Uh... uh..." he stammered nervously. Something about that quiet sound sparked some kind of recognition in my mind.

"Wait... you're that dude who sits in on my Great Female Writers of the 20th Century class," I accused.

"And you're that girl who's always saying that Harry Potter is one of the greatest works of literature of our time," he shot back, realization dawning in his eyes.

I glared at him venomously, my jaw clenched. I knew if I responded we would start to debate and I really didn't have an hour to defend my undying love for the magical world of Hogwarts and its students.

He mumbled something further that he should've been extremely grateful I didn't hear.

"Well, isn't this just fucking awesome!" I threw my hands up in frustration.

"I don't really understand why you're the one yelling at me," he said in his still-soft, level tone.

"Should I spell it out for you...?" I prompted his name.

He took completely too long to get what I was getting at before finally replying, "Edward."

"Edward? Really?" I asked incredulously. Who would name their child Edward? And, more importantly, what kind of a young person would continue to use it as a first name?

"You know, you're really being unnecessarily rude here," he pointed out.

I rolled my eyes and ignored him, returning to my earlier train of thought. "I just wrecked my best friend's recently rebuilt pride and joy, with no means of repaying him for the damage, much less to deal with whatever ridiculous sum of money it will probably cost to repair that beast of yours. So _please_ excuse me if I'm not really in the mood to chit chat about my opinions on Harry _fucking_ Potter!"

Edward didn't say anything in response to my outburst. He merely shuffled uncomfortably and pulled his mouth slightly to the side in an awkward gesture.

Before I could unleash any further crazy on him, a bright blue tow truck screeched to a halt in front of us.

"Need a tow, lady?" the fat, greasy-looking driver asked as he struggled out of the truck's cab.

"Let me call my friend first. He works at an auto body shop, so he might have some connections."

"Just make it quick," the man barked at me. "I don't got all night."

"Keep your panties on," I snapped back, pulling my cell out of the pocket of my coat.

I dialed Jake's number and waited.

And waited.

And... nothing.

"Can I use your phone?" I asked, holding an impatient hand out to Edward. "My piece of shit isn't dialing out."

He obliged without resistance and handed me his touch screen Blackberry. Of course, Shiny Volvo Boy would have a pretty toy like this. I tapped the screen and stared at it for less than a second before handing it back to him and simply demanding, "Dial."

I read the number out to him and he handed the phone to me once more.

Again, nothing.

"What the _fuck_ is going on?" I seethed in outrage.

Clearly, stressful situations turned me into an über drama queen.

"Hey, lady, it's New Year's Eve. What did you expect?" Greasy Tow Truck Guy mocked.

"It's barely 8PM!" I whined, continuing my uncharacteristic whiny streak.

"Don't blame me, I just drive a tow truck." He shrugged in the most annoyingly get-over-it way.

I glared at him. He was unperturbed.

"So, are you gonna let me tow it or not?"

"Fine," I conceded. "Will you drop me off on the way? I need to get to a party."

"This isn't a taxi service, and it's my busiest night of the year. No can do."

"You're seriously going to leave a poor, defenseless girl alone in the middle of Seattle on New Year's Eve to fend for herself?"

"I'm sure you'll make due," he mocked sarcastically before busying himself with getting the Rabbit hooked to the back of his truck.

I tried my cell again but the futility of my actions became evident as the words _Network Not Available_ kept flashing vindictively on the screen.

"Well, that does it," I finally said, turning to Edward, "you're just going to have to take me."

"I'm already late for my own thing... and I have people waiting for me..." he trailed off his lame excuses.

"Seriously, you too?" I guilted him with my stare.

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "Where do you need to go?"

"East Pike and Harvard?"

"You're going to _Cool Runnings_?" he asked, surprised.

"No, I'm going to _Camelot_ right next door."

"What a coincidence," he mused.

"Yeah, yeah, it's totally fate that made you crash into me so you could drive me to my party," I laughed sarcastically, rolling my eyes. He did the same, but this time the mood had seemed to silently shift between us. The urge to kill him wasn't as pressing anymore.

We watched as Greasy Tow Truck Guy, who later identified himself as Lou, wrestled the wreckage formerly known as the Rabbit free from the traffic light, and finally got it hooked onto the back of his truck. He gave me his card and took my details, after making me fork over half my drinking money as a deposit for the tow. I flinched as he disappeared around the corner with a sickly screeching sound.

I tried to push it to the back of my mind and focus rather on being nice to Edward, since he had become my immediate salvation.

"So, Sir Edward, shall we away to _Camelot_ in your silver chariot?" I asked in my very best (but probably still horrible) fake English accent.

"Why, yes, Lady... er... Harry Potter's Mistress," he replied in his own (equally atrocious) accent.

"Otherwise known as Bella," I added.

"Well, then, Lady Bella, my chariot awaits."


	2. Awkward Acquaintances

**A/N: **I am *sad face* that no one played guess the lyric with me. But alas, I'm not giving up. There's a hidden lyric in this chapter again. Guess right and I shall gift you with a teaser ;)

Thanks again to **Hopeful Wager **for being an indulgent beta and fantastic friend. Thank you preview girls for insights and snuggles.

**All copyright****ed**** and trademarked items mentioned herein ****are the property of**** their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

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**Chapter 2****: ****Awkward Acquaintances

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**8****:32 PM**

Edward walked around to open the passenger door for me, before returning to the driver's seat. When he turned the key to the ignition, the familiar sound of the same White Lies song that I had been listening to earlier, started to spill from the speakers.

I smiled quietly to myself at the coincidence, beginning to realize that this Edward person might be more than just the oddly spoken geek I had initially thought.

"White Lies, huh?" I commented lightly as he started off in the direction of our destination.

"They remind me of Collective Soul, but I can listen to them without facing ridicule from my bandmates."

"You play in a band?" He had most definitely piqued my interest.

"That's where I'm headed with all this stuff." He gestured to the back of the station wagon, which I now noted was filled with various cases meant for musical equipment.

"Would I have heard of you?"

"We're called Confederate Cacophony."

I blinked at yet another ridiculous name. This boy really wasn't making it very easy for me to take him seriously.

"Cacophony, huh?" I commented nochalantly. "Brave choice."

"Many people would contend that the use of 'confederate' was also a controversial choice," he offered with quirked eyebrow.

"_Many people_ need to get over something that happened a hundred and fifty years ago," I pointed out.

"Wow, you're really not gonna like Jasper," he mumbled under his breath.

"Excuse me?" I knew my tone was a tad too impatient but I didn't care for mumbling.

"Never mind," he covered quickly. "So, you go to U-Dub?"

"Yup."

"Majoring in...?"

"Well, this semester it's been technical writing, but it tends to change a lot. It was photomedia last semester, and I'm toying with cinema studies next semester."

I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head with the effort of not flinching openly.

"You don't approve?" I challenged innocently.

He swallowed heavily. "It's not really my place to approve or not."

I narrowed my eyes at him, thinking how lucky he was to not have passed judgment on my admittedly flaky educational choices. We sat in silence for a moment as another familiar guitar riff drifted happily through the car. I glanced over at the display on his iPod which was somehow plugged into the lighter socket, and grinned when I saw the name.

_Now Playing: __A-Punk__ - Vampire Weekend_

If it wasn't for this dude's excellent taste in music, I may have written him off completely.

"Why?" he blurted out suddenly.

I rolled my eyes, knowing what he was referring to, but choosing to play dumb. "Que?"

"Don't you feel like you're..." He seemed to be considering his words carefully and I hoped, for the sake of his own safety, that he chose right. "…not using your time responsibly."

_Bad choice, Eddie boy._

"What exactly are you trying to say?" I demanded, the tone of my voice rising in anger.

"You could be getting a degree, but now you have a bunch of half-completed courses behind you." The wrong just kept spilling out of him.

"I guess I value the variety of learning more than the consistency of it," I spat back petulantly. Of course I knew he had a point, but rational thoughts didn't seem to be an option for me with this Edward person around.

"Geez, sorry," he mumbled. Again with the mumbling.

"Just drive," I ordered, staring blankly ahead of me.

"The traffic isn't really going anywhere," he pointed out, and I noticed for the first time that we weren't actually moving.

New Year's Eve traffic congestion. Fan-fucking-tastic, because clearly I couldn't get enough of this excruciatingly awkward conversation.

"Can't you take a back-route or something?" I suggested desperately.

"By all means, if you see a side-street that isn't backed up, point it out."

Wow, he was really getting annoyed now, and we still had a good ten blocks to go before we were anywhere near the bar. I was starting to get slightly worried. I had pushed my luck into getting this ride with him in the first place, and then I proceeded to be snippy with him when he was making perfectly reasonable conversation.

I squeezed my eyes shut in preparation for a seldom-seen Bella-apology. I really should've stretched first. "I'm sorry." It came out sounding like a resigned sigh, but it was the best I could do. "I know this isn't a normal situation and you were just trying to make it less weird. I'll stop being such an asshat and behave."

He looked over at me in surprise and with a raise of my eyebrow I warned him not to question it. The corner of his mouth twitched slightly as he turned his eyes back onto the road.

"So, Edward." I still wasn't crazy about the name, but I used it in the spirit of my self-imposed truce. "What's your major?" I hoped this wouldn't be as touchy of a subject for him as it was for me.

"I major in applied math, with a minor in musical composition."

He sounded really proud, so I decided to press on. "Interesting combination."

"They're actually very complimentary disciplines. Some say that mathematics is the basis of sound itself." Who knew anyone could get so philosophical about math. I involuntarily found myself thinking that his geek speak was kind of hot, but squashed the thought immediately. This situation didn't need to get any more complicated.

"For which instrument do you compose?"

"I compose for whatever speaks to me at any given moment, but I play the piano or other keyboards."

"Cool." This conversation was hitting a dead end fast.

"I've actually been working on some algorithms that compose music," he continued without further prompt from me. "I experiment with my band."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, we're a little mini research team. Emmett is a physics major and Jasper is doing neurobiology. We all found a way to incorporate it into the research component of our degrees."

"Wow, you sound like a bunch of smart guys." Sounded like a bunch of old guys. Edward, Emmett and Jasper? He had to be kidding me with this.

"It isn't always a great idea. The debates get out of hand sometimes."

"I can imagine." This time I was the one doing the mumbling.

The traffic had finally started to inch forward, and although we were progressing slowly, I was getting impatient. I checked my phone again, wondering if my friends were pissed at me. I was supposed to be there at seven and we were approaching nine already. Any hint of phone signal still eluded me.

I leaned my head back against my seat in frustration, but as I did so, I noticed a brightly lit sign that gave me an idea.

"Dude, there's a parking garage," I said, poking Edward slightly in his surprisingly firm upper arm. For a skinny dude, he sure had guns.

"And...? We're still three blocks away."

"Just pull in, we can walk the rest of the way."

"What about all my equipment?"

"I'll help you."

I took his silence to mean that he wasn't convinced.

"I'm stronger than I look," I assured him. "C'mon, this traffic is driving me nuts." I shot him my best doe-eyed look that I had been assured was fool proof. I hated nothing more than being stuck in traffic, and it gave me an excuse to escape the confined space Edward and I were sharing.

He shook his head in defeat and swung into the emergency lane, before entering the relatively packed parking lot and finding an empty spot.

As we started unloading the surprisingly heavy (although I would die before admitting it) equipment, he gave me a suspicious look.

"What?" I asked after he had stared for an inappropriately long time.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Make me do your bidding?"

"My bidding? This, dear sir, is not my bidding. This is showing kindness to a stranger. You'll _know_ when I'm making you do my bidding."

"You're a little scary, you know that?"

"I am aware," I said with a mysterious smirk. I kind of liked the fact that I seemed to be getting to him.

Once all the equipment had been unloaded, we stood eyeing the cases, mentally trying to figure out how we were going to carry it the remaining three blocks.

"This was a bad idea," Edward muttered under his breath.

I contained my would-be rage and decided to take a different approach with him. "You have no sense of adventure. Now you'll get to scratch 'explore Seattle on foot while dragging musical equipment' off your Bucket List."

"That wasn't really on my Bucket List," he deadpanned. "Too young to die."

"But old is the grave," I muttered in amusement. "Well," I said, a little more loudly, "add it on before we start dragging this shit around, otherwise it doesn't count." I sounded like a kindergarten teacher. It was quite unsettling.

Edward laughed and pulled his face in a way that assured me he thought I was mostly insane. We divvied up the equipment between us. I was relieved when he handed me two small cases to carry and a larger one with wheels that I could roll along behind me. He took an identical case with wheels, a heavy-looking backpack and a huge amp and led us to the elevator. I wasn't a big fan of elevators, thanks to the numerous times I had gotten stuck in the ancient one in my apartment building, but there was no way in hell I was carrying this stuff down two flights of stairs.

We spent the short but terrifying trip listening to instrumental Barry Manilow in silence. The elevator screeched and rattled to a halt, making me jump and squeak like a little girl. Edward stifled a smug laugh and I stifled the urge to punch him in the throat.

We stepped out into the freezing December night air and I instantly regretted my wardrobe choice. My black, sequined vintage tutu and torn hot pink leggings paired with heavy duty biker boots, while trés stylish, were hardly a combatant to the cold. At least my bright green coat shielded me from some of the cold, and my furry black hunting hat complete with ear flaps was keeping my head toasty warm.

"You gonna be okay?" Edward asked with genuine concern in his voice.

"Please," I shot back defiantly, "I laugh in the face of sub-arctic temperatures." My already-chattering teeth were not helping my cause.

"If you say so."

He definitely wasn't buying my act, but I sure as hell wasn't going to let him think that he had been right in any way. We started off in the direction of Harvard Street, dragging the cases behind us with the kind of groaning and panting you would likely find in really bad internet porn.

"For someone who's in a band, you don't really seem accustomed to carrying this equipment around," I grunted between strained breaths.

"Although I may look it," he replied between equally exerted breaths, "I'm actually not the brawn of the band."

"Gasp!" I exclaimed in mock surprise. "And here I thought you were playing down your physical abilities to make me feel more at ease."

"Of course, I'm totally downplaying my immense strength and athletic ability." His face contorted with the effort of hoisting the case over a stretch of uneven pavement and I burst out laughing.

I slumped against the wall, bent over and giggling uncontrollably. Edward set the equipment he was carrying down and collapsed on top of it, shaking with laughter of his own.

"This really isn't normal, is it?" I asked, still unable to reign in my giggles.

"Not even a little," he agreed.

"Thanks for weirding it out with me," I said when my giggles had finally died down. "Most people would've just left me there."

"Well, you were so charming, and totally un-insulting," he retorted sarcastically.

"Hey, I'm making it up to you by means of manual labor, aren't I?"

"Okay, I'll give you that, and definitely won't mention the fact that your suggestion was the actual cause of said manual labor."

"You are a true gentleman."

"My mother raised me right."

We stared at each other for a moment, genuinely smiling for the first time since our fateful meeting. When he wasn't being all scowling and pompous and having his foot stuck down his own throat, Edward was actually quite attractive in a hot geek sort of way. I normally found myself crushing on the hot douchebag type, so this was quite a change from the norm. I hoped that we could keep the last leg of our journey this amicable. I didn't mind the banter so much.

"How far do we have left to go?" I asked, gathering up all the stuff again.

"It's just to the end of this block. We can totally do it. Totally." He was talking more to himself than he was to me, which made me smile again.

With some further groaning and puffing, we managed to haul the equipment to the corner of East Pike and Harvard.

I sighed in relief when saw the familiar neon sign glowing over the entrance to _Cool Runnings. _"Fucking finally."

"You can say that again," Edward heaved, still trying to catch his breath. "I thought you were going to _Camelot_? It looks closed?"

"What the fuck?" I yelled and took off across the street. Cars honked and tyres screeched but I didn't care. I came to a halt in front of the darkened doorstep of my favorite bar and glared angrily at the "Closed" sign that was hanging in the window. I leaned my head against the cool glass in defeat.

This was a total nightmare.


	3. Confederate Cacophony

**A/N: **If anyone is keeping score on "Guess That Lyric" it's DB: 2, Readers: *sad face*. PM me if you want to know the answers ;)

This chapter has a hidden song title and a cleverly disguised reference to How I Met Your Mother (I have to entertain myself somehow).

Thank you to **Hopeful Wager** for betaing my shizz and my preview girls for kind words and general awesomery.

**All copyright****ed**** and trademarked items mentioned herein ****are the property of**** their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

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**Chapter 3****:** **Confederate Cacophony

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**9****:06 PM **

I was startled by the sound of someone tapping the glass against my forehead, and looked up to see Seth unlocking the door. I was only relieved for a second before I felt involuntary irritation start to rise in my chest.

"Hey, Bells." Seth's familiar smile and twinkling eyes made me melt a little on the inside. If only this kid were a year or two older... and not Leah's little brother.

"What's going on here, asshat?" I asked, snapping out of my mini-swoon and shoving past him to go inside the darkened space.

"Our genius of a father forgot to pay the power bill," came Leah's sarcastic monotone from somewhere in the back.

"Give an old man a break," Harry shouted. "I didn't think they'd be so heartless to cut us off over the holidays."

"Santa Claus doesn't run the power company, sweetie," Sue cooed.

"Where'd everyone go?" I asked, hoping there was still time to catch them.

"Not a clue," Leah replied, suddenly standing beside me. "They mentioned something about a party downtown. Jake tried to call you but the phone lines are all fucked up."

"So, they just left without me?"

"You're two hours late, Bella, they're well within their rights." Leah's infallible logic was really annoying.

"Some friends I have."

"Why are you so late anyway?" Seth asked, pulling on his jacket.

I swallowed heavily. The whole Clearwater family had suddenly congregated around me, making me feel claustrophobic. The weirdness with Edward had distracted me from the reality of my situation. I had totaled Jake's car and I was going to have to tell him when I saw him. I wondered if he would make my death slow and sadistic, or fast and ruthless?

"I got into a _tiny_ little accident on the way here," I said sheepishly, trying to downplay the damage.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Sue asked, laying a concerned hand on my shoulder.

"Totally fine, nothing to worry about." These questions were making me extremely nervous.

"Wait..." _Damn you, Seth Clearwater. _"Didn't you take the Rabbit tonight?"

I pressed my lips together and then opened my mouth in an attempt to speak, but it was to no avail.

"Bella!" Leah yelled, punching me in the arm. "Jake only finished the rebuild two weeks ago! He's going to _kill_ you."

"Dead, kill you dead," Seth chimed in.

"I'm sure Jake will be reasonable," Harry interceded. "A few dents aren't the end of the world."

Again, I definitely would've spoken if I hadn't lost the power of speech.

"It's just a dent, isn't it?" Leah demanded accusingly.

The collective looks of mounting horror on the faces of the Clearwater family gave me a small insight into the Wrath of Jacob which would be raining down upon me soon enough.

I shook my head slowly.

"Damnit, Bella! This is going to destroy Jake! You know how hard he worked on that car. He drove us all crazy for months with it!" If Leah was trying to guilt me, she really didn't have to try this hard. I was doing pretty damn fine on my own.

I was about to respond when I was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing a throat behind me. I turned to see Edward's silhouette in the doorway. I silently thanked him for saving me from what I assumed would've been the most excruciatingly shameful conversation of my life (next to my fast-approaching last conversation before dying, of course).

"Sorry to interrupt," Edward said softly. "I just wanted to make sure Bella was okay."

"Turns out my friends left without me." I shot him a wry smile.

"Oh." He looked slightly uncomfortable under the scrutiny of the Clearwaters. "What are you going to do now?"

I looked to the suspicious faces of the Clearwaters, knowing they'd take me home if I asked them, but that meant spending New Year's Eve alone on my couch, watching "Dinner for One" and getting hammered on peach Schnapps. It also meant further inquisition over Jake's car and complicated and awkward questions about Edward's role in all of this.

My cowardly, irresponsible, instant-gratification-seeking inner self saw an opportunity to escape cross examination and an evening of feeling emo and alone. "Well, I could all always come watch your show," I suggested innocently, "since all my plans just fell through."

"You'd... want to?" He sounded so surprised, it almost made me feel badly about my intermittent snark towards him. Almost.

"Sure, if you wouldn't mind me tagging along?" _Please say yes. Please say yes._

"Well, I'm going to need someone to carry all that equipment back to the car with me," he joked, and I let out a relieved breath.

"Awesomeness!" _Way to play it cool, Bella. _"I guess I'll see you guys around." I shot a brief smile at the stunned-looking family before me and headed toward Edward.

"But Jake-" Seth began, but I cut him off.

"Happy New Year!" I called before grabbing Edward by the arm and pulling him into the street with me.

"Hurry before they try to stop me," I muttered under my breath as I dragged Edward next door to _Cool Runnings._

"Those people were wearing some funky looking outfits," Edward commented.

"You've never been inside Camelot?" I asked, surprised by his lack of knowledge on the subject, considering it was right next to his gigging venue. "The theme is all part of the charm."

"But seriously, knights and wenches?"

"I'll have you know that I have also wenched it up at _Camelot_ on occasion. You haven't lived until you've had a pint of lager and a turkey leg there."

"I guess you'll have to teach me how to live sometime."

I whipped my head around when his subtly flirty tone met my ears. _Well, that's new._

"I guess I'll have to." I ducked my head away from him and pretended to rummage in my bag so he wouldn't see my ridiculously toothy grin. "What time are you guys playing?"

"In a while. We go on at nine-thirty. The others are setting up as we speak."

"Ooooh, so I get to meet the gang?" I asked excitedly, rubbing my hands together.

"Only if you promise to play nice," he said with a stern look.

"I'm offended!" I paused and put my hands on my hips in an attempt at dramatic outrage. "I'm not a total beast, you know."

"We'll see about that." He smirked and led me inside the buzzing, dimly lit bar, modeled after a Jamaican surf shack. It smelled like one too.

There were two tall guys up on stage, busied with plugging in cables and tapping on microphones. The slightly shorter, burlier one of the two was wearing a pair of cargo shorts (in the dead of winter, no less) and a tight, dark red t-shirt with the words "I fucking love cuddling" on the front. His bright green eyes were identical to Edward's, although the rest of him couldn't have been more different. His hair was shaved on the sides and only slightly shorter on top, creating quite the menacing Mohawk. He wore black flesh tunnels in his ears and his arms were covered in colourful tattoos. He looked nothing like a physics major. He did look like he could beat one up, though.

"Is that dude your brother?" I asked Edward distractedly.

"Astute observation." He sounded impressed. "Emm, come over here for a sec!"

"Bella, this is my older brother, Emmett."

"Slightly older and significantly more smokin' hot," Emmett amended, hopping off the stage to shake my hand.

I giggled and tried not to wince when he crushed my hand in his giant paw.

"Bella is..." Edward frowned, obviously trying to make our situation sound less strange than it was, "...the lovely lady who I had a small vehicular incident with earlier tonight."

Emmett let out a loud, rumbling laugh. "I heard the Volvonator totaled your car."

"The Volvonator? Really?" I asked while stifling an eyeroll. For a some highly intelligent guys, they sure seemed to act like a bunch of twelve-year-olds.

"Yes, the _Volvonator_," Emmett said, deliberately emphasizing the word, "has come out of some pretty tough scrapes unharmed."

"I wish I could say the same about Jake's poor Rabbit," I muttered sourly.

"Wait, that car wasn't yours?" Edward's face was contorted in horror.

"Uh, no, it was my best friend's car." I wasn't very impressed that I was still having this conversation after having so expertly avoided having it with the Clearwaters.

"Dude, that's harsh." Emmett laid his hand on my shoulder and bowed his head in exaggerated sympathy.

Edward was about to say something when the third band member jumped lithely from the stage and came to a halt beside us. He was the tallest and most impressive-looking of all of them. He was dressed from head to toe in what appeared at first glance to be a full blown confederate military uniform. Upon closer inspection I noticed that his shoulder-length blond curls were partially hidden beneath a dark grey fiddler's cap. He wore a knee-length vintage military jacket with antique-looking brass buttons over a charcoal v-neck shirt and (once again) an unreasonably tight pair of faded black skinny jeans. These boys were really killing me with the clingy pants. I noted with amusement that we were wearing exactly the same pair of heavy black leather biker boots.

"How are ya, lil' lady?" he asked in a heavy Southern drawl that made my kneecaps quake.

"Jasper likes to pretend he's Texan, but he's actually from Tacoma," Emmett stage-whispered in my ear, shattering Jasper's mysterious air.

Jasper glared at Emmett. Emmett shrugged back. I attempted to stifle a laugh as Edward clenched his jaw and closed his eyes in a gesture of what looked like rage-aversion. The mere minute I had spent with these three boys had already told me everything I needed to know about their dynamic. I found it pretty adorable that their behavior seemed to embarrass Edward in front of me.

"This is Bella," Edward introduced me.

"It's a pleasure." Jasper shot me a somewhat sulky smile.

"We have to finish setting up before the show starts," Edward said, digging his hands into his back pockets.

"I'll go get a drink. I think I deserve it. See you guys on stage." I winked before heading in the direction of some much needed alcohol.

"Vot can I get for you, darrling?" the fabulous, raven-haired, statuesque drag queen bartender asked in a thick Russian accent. I wondered with a silent chuckle to myself if I was dealing with another fake accent.

"A shot of whatever that blue stuff behind you is." I pointed to a bottle of violent blue liquid on the counter behind him. Her?

"Are you sure about that?" the tiny girl who was sitting on the bar stool next to me asked with apprehension. "That's Irina's famous homemade concoction, and it's been known to bring grown men to their knees."

"Vich is exactly vot it vas meant for, dear Alees," Irina said with a wicked grin as she (I'm sticking with she) poured me an over-sized shot glass full of the stuff.

"You saucy minx," the girl growled playfully back at her.

"Alees" had short, crazy, spiked purple and black hair and a the perfect face of a china doll.

"You look kinda familiar," I said, scrutinizing her face.

"Is that a pick up line?" she asked with a flirty grin.

I felt my cheeks flame up and giggled nervously, though I wasn't quite sure why.

"You might recognize me from some amateur online lesbian porn?" she offered.

"I'm pretty sure that's not it." Again with the nervous giggling. _Man up, Bella,_ I mentally chastised myself, _you've never shied away from harmless flirting with girls. _ "You work at _Pretty in Punk_, don't you?" I said, the realization finally dawning on me.

"I own it, actually," she replied with a proud smile.

"I love that place!" I squealed. "Every piece of clothing I have on at this moment, I got there."

By the looks of her, the girl was also dressed in her own wares. Her black vintage dress had a delicate white lace ruffle around the collar, and her slender legs were sheathed in black fishnets. Sparkly ruby red shoes and what I hoped was a faux fur wrap completed the unique outfit.

"Oh, wow, then I should probably be buying you that drink to thank you," she laughed and turned to me. "This one is on me, babe," she said, gesturing to Irina.

"Your thrift store is my favorite in all Seattle," I continued with the uncharacteristic gushing.

"You wear it well," she commented with a suggestive wink, giving me the once over.

I attempted to change the topic with a generic, but effectively distracting question. "Are you here to see the band?" I asked, before downing my dangerous blue shot desperately. It burned a trail down my throat and into my stomach, but I tried to keep my composure, only coughing discreetly.

"Yes, the blond idiot is my boyfriend and the other two idiots are my brothers," she replied with a kind of maternal fondness.

"I'm Bella," I introduced myself automatically in response.

"Bella-of-the-car-crash, Bella?" she asked with an amused tenor to her voice.

"Good news sure travels fast," I sighed.

"I'm Alice, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Alice-of-the-awesome-thrift-store." We exchanged a smile and an always-awkward girl-handshake, sitting in silence for a moment. I smiled when I recognized Reel Big Fish's ska punk cover of "Take on Me" blaring through the speakers. I wondered to myself why I didn't come in here more often, since I tended to hang out next door so much. I felt quite at home here.

The music quieted down and I turned toward the stage to see a tall, black dude with impressive dreads and a cloud of smoke surrounding him standing behind the microphone.

"Welcome friends, to the _Cool Runnings_ New Year's Eve, "Rock Like It's 2009" Bandstravaganza!" he announced hospitably. "I'm Laurent, your humble host for the evening, and it's my pleasure to introduce our first act for tonight. Good friends and old favorites of ours, ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Confederate Cacophony!"

Lights started flashing dramatically as the opening notes rang through the crowd. I hadn't really pegged them as the types to have this kind of electronic sound, but it had an interesting ring to it and caught my attention immediately. Jasper's tall, lean silhouette appeared on stage and the flashing dimmed down as he began to sing. My eyes adjusted and I was finally able to make out Edward and Emmett's figures too.

As Jasper began to sing, something struck me as being off. It didn't sound entirely right. It didn't look entirely right, either. That shot had clearly gone to my head.

"Where are their instruments?" I asked Alice, shaking my head to try and clear the haze. "And why is Jasper lip-synching?"

"They don't have instruments," Alice replied simply. "Didn't Edward tell you they're an airband?"


	4. Invisible Instrumentation

**A/N: **Wow! Welcome new readers! I don't know where you all came from, but I trust you're enjoying the little adventure we're on with these two ridiculous kids.

After chapter 3, DB is still kicking ass in "Name that lyric/song title" (yay me). In this chapter there's a hidden song title and the easiest to spot lyric to date. C'mon, humor me ;)

Thank you to **Hopeful Wager** for hosting this chapter at the beta spa. Thanks to my preview lovies for being awesomeness personified.

**All copyright****ed**** and trademarked items mentioned herein ****are the property of**** their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

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**Chapter 4: Invisible Instrumentation

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**9:33PM**

_Now Playing: WTF???_

I sat there, blinking and gaping like a fucking goldfish. Alice's highly amused laughter confirmed that my expression was absolutely ridiculous. I would've contended that my expression definitely wasn't the most ridiculous thing in the room at that moment.

The most ridiculous thing would have been the three boys on stage who were mimicking playing instruments. Emmett seemed to be having some kind of seizure on the "drums" and Jasper was lip-synching while grinding the mic stand dramatically. Edward, at least, pressed the occasional button on an electronic panel beside him. Wait, no, he was now playing the air-violin for the string section of the song.

I closed my eyes tightly, hoping that normalcy would've returned to the world when I opened them again. "An... an... airband? Really?" I asked, painful disappointment obvious in my voice. I had thought that I may have been starting to find Edward less insufferable than I had originally thought, and I would even go so far as to say, slightly charming. Adorable, even. The newfound knowledge that he was a creepazoid who played in an airband caused tiny little cracks to form around the edges of my heart.

"They're my little weirdos," Alice said, wistfully.

"Who's music is this, though?" I asked in confusion. I didn't recognize the complicated melodies and frantic double bass at all.

"Oh, it's their own music," Alice confirmed.

I reverted back to the blinking and the gaping.

"Every time you do that, I think you're having a stroke," Alice laughed, poking me in the arm.

"They're an _airband_," I stated slowly, trying to make sense of it, "who airband their air instruments to their _own music_."

"That's the gist of it." Alice nodded, biting her bottom lip and crinkling her nose awkwardly. "I know you think it's crazy right now, but crazy equals cute in my book." She stared lovingly at Jasper, who was currently bent down on one knee, cradling the mic stand between his legs. I had to admit, it was kind of insanely hot. "And when you get past the weirdness, it's actually really genius."

"Edward did say something about composing with algorithms or something?"

"Yeah, what they do is work out melodies and lyrics together, which Edward programs into the computer somehow. The computer generates the music and then they record Jasper's vocals over it, which works perfectly for him, because he tends to get nervous on stage."

Looking at Jasper, who had jumped on top of a huge amp and was thrusting in mid air, I couldn't really believe that.

"He prefers to focus on his performance," Alice said in response to my dubious frown.

"Clearly," I replied simply, moving my focus from Jasper to Emmett, whose spinal column I feared for. That was some hardcore headbanging.

"Just give them a chance, you might like it," Alice urged.

I sighed petulantly and turned around to gesture to Irina to refill my drink. I sure as hell wasn't going to be able to appreciate this while sober. I downed another shot of what I had come to suspect to be drain cleaner, and focused my attention on the music instead of the lack of instruments.

It may have been the alcohol, or it may have been me shifting my focus to their skinny jean-clad legs, but after the third song I was actually starting to enjoy their music. It was a unique blend of punk, indie and electronic sounds and beats, and Jasper's voice was a thing of beauty. I almost felt guilty about lusting after Alice's boyfriend like that, but judging by the lecherous look on her own face, I was sure she wouldn't blame me.

When the tone of their set changed to a more chilled, sweeping melody, I found my eyes drifting over to Edward, who was the most subdued of the bunch. Even hidden behind his glasses, I could see his eyes were focused and intense, and I realized with a start that they were fixed on me. I felt the blush rise in my cheeks when I started to listen to the lyrics.

_Yours is the first face that I saw  
I think I was blind before I met you  
Now I don't know where I am  
I don't know where I've been  
But I know where I want to go_

I swallowed heavily, feeling the weight of his gaze pressing down on the pit of my stomach. The corners of his mouth were turned up slightly and his eyes blinked slowly. I wanted to blame my mounting state of inebriation for the moment we seemed to be having, but when the song ended and Edward seemed to snap out of it, I realized that it wasn't just me.

"Whoa," I heard Alice mutter beside me.

"You're right, they're not so bad when you get past the weird," I said distractedly.

"That's not what I meant," Alice replied, a strangely smug smile tugging at her lips.

I frowned at her, waiting for an answer, but we were interrupted by the crowd's enthusiastic applause as the house lights came on again. Edward, Jasper and Emmett took their last bows and left the stage, heading in our direction, as Laurent announced that the next band would be playing in fifteen minutes.

Jasper made a beeline for Alice and took her face in his hands to kiss her passionately, and for a frankly inappropriately long time for a public place. I tried to ignore their grunting and moaning as I turned to Edward and Emmett.

Emmett was grinning widely. "What did you think, Bella? Best airband in Seattle?"

"As I have no basis for comparison, I'm going to go with best airband in the entire world," I replied in an indulgent tone.

"Score!" Emmett exclaimed with a humorously enthusiastic fist pump. "See, Ed, I told you. Best airband _ever_."

Edward laughed and shook his head at Emmett who had suddenly gotten distracted by the shots that were being poured at the other end of the bar, and wandered off in that direction.

Edward examined my expression for a moment. "You think I'm a freak, don't you," he said, pulling his face into a grimace.

"Freak is such a strong word. I'm going to go with... eclectic."

"You humble me with your euphemism."

"I know, I'm too kind."

His eyes were all intense and sparkling again, so I decided to change the topic. "So, what's next on the agenda for tonight?"

"Inviting yourself to a stranger's New Year's Eve plans? Classy," he joked.

"It's the least you could do after leaving me stranded with no means of getting home." I shot him a shaming look.

"Ah, we're back on the blame game, I see. Can't say I've missed it." He could be surprisingly dry when he wanted to be. I found it strangely provocative.

"Are you seriously going to stand there and tell me that having me tag along tonight hasn't made your evening infinitely more awesome than it would've been otherwise?"

"Let's see, shall we? So far tonight I have gotten whiplash from crashing into a car containing a possibly disturbed female who yelled at me, ordered me to drive her to a party that was cancelled, and made me drag a gazillion pounds of musical equipment through the Seattle city center in forty degree weather-"

"See, awesomeness personified," I concluded before he could continue.

He stifled a grin as he attempted to look exasperated, but it wasn't really working. Eventually he slumped his shoulders dramatically in defeat. "Emmett has another... _gig_ tonight, so that's our next stop."

"He plays in another band?" I asked, surprised.

"Not exactly," Edward replied cryptically. "I'd rather not tell you. I think it'll be more fun if it's a surprise."

I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Bucket-List-Bella doesn't like surprises? I must say, I am truly shocked."

"Don't drag the bucket list into this," I gasped. "The bucket list is sacred."

"You'll change your tune soon enough when you see where we're going."

I narrowed my eyes at him and he smiled back smugly.

"Are we leaving?" Emmett announced upon his return, interrupting our exchange.

Edward nodded and started tapping Jasper on the shoulder. "Dude, stop sucking face with my sister so we can go."

Jasper reluctantly complied and Alice giggled as she straightened her outfit.

"Emm, you can drive with us," Edward said, gesturing to me. "We need someone to help us get the equipment back to the car."

"Why do you need me? You got it here just fine," Emmett complained.

"Ignorance makes one strong," Edward mused, "and besides, it'll be good warm-up for you," he added with a wink in Emmett's direction.

Emmett shot him a withering stare and grumbled something under his breath.

"We'll meet you guys at... the place?" Edward said to Alice and Jasper.

"Sure, _the place_," Alice affirmed, catching on to Edward's elusiveness.

I scowled at them. I wasn't a fan of being kept in the dark.

Edward just laughed slyly and left me at the bar to go pack up the equipment with Emmett. Alice and Jasper said their goodbyes and left for their car, groping each other the entire way out.

When Edward and Emmett returned, I was relieved to see that Emmett had put on a hoodie, although he was still wearing his ridiculous shorts. I got chilly just from looking at him.

Edward handed me one of the small cases I had been carrying earlier. "If you would be so kind," he said condescendingly.

"Just give it," I snapped and snatched it from his hand before stalking out into the street in the direction of the parking garage.

"Kitty's got claws," I heard Emmett say with a loud chuckle behind me.

I stopped dead and turned around to shoot Emmett a warning look. His eyes grew wide with, to my utter dismay, amusement instead of fear.

As I continued on towards the parking garage, with the boys trailing behind me, I noticed that the traffic was still backed up as far as the eye could see. This did not bode well for our traveling plans.

"I sincerely hope this place is within walking distance," I commented over my shoulder, "because this traffic is going nowhere."

"It shouldn't be too far on foot," Edward said, still playing the cryptic card, and it seemed he wasn't going to give anything away.

The boys chattered about their set and the changes they were going to make for their next gig. The excitement in their voices was actually really sweet. I almost felt badly for mocking them about the whole airband thing, when I realized how much their music actually meant to them. Just because they weren't doing it in the conventional way, didn't make their music any less valid.

_Geez, Bella. Where did that come from?_ I thought to myself and stubbornly attempted to substitute the wave of empathy that had suddenly overcome me with some of the bitter jadedness I was used to feeling.

We finally reached the car and, as the two grumbling boys loaded the equipment into the Volvonator, I decided to try my luck with out mystery destination again. "Are you gonna tell me where we're going now?"

"Not a chance," Edward replied with that same smug smile that was starting to grate my nerves, and led us in the opposite direction of the clubs. "All will be revealed soon enough."

"You're being really douchy to this poor girl, you know that, Ed?" Emmett chimed in, wrapping his arm around me as we walked. "You should be hanging out with a Cullen boy who knows how to treat a lady right."

"I'm sure _Rose_ would love to hear all about it." Edward gave Emmett a pointed look.

"Sorry, big fella," I said to Emmett, lifting his arm from my shoulders, "not gonna happen."

"So, you _do_ have a boyfriend," Emmett sing-songed, smoothing down an imaginary detective's beard.

"I am currently between assholes, but by the sound of it, you aren't exactly available, and I'm just not that kind of girl."

"Your loss." Emmett shrugged sulkily.

We crossed the busy street packed with cars, and headed down a side street to a part of the city that my small-town police chief of a father would kill me for hanging around in at night.

"You never finished telling me about this best friend whose car you destroyed." Of course Edward would bring it up again, because he clearly wasn't a fan of making my life easier.

"Nothing to tell. When he finds out, I may live for a short while longer, but he'll kill me eventually."

"Isn't that a bit of an overreaction? It's just a car." Edward obviously didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

"It's not 'just a car' to Jake. It was his pride and joy. He rebuilt the entire car with his own two hands." I used the impassioned tone that Jake always had when he talked about the car for dramatic effect.

"So, he's a mechanic or something?" Emmett's asked with newfound interest in the conversation.

"Hardly." I thought of the offended look Jake would have if he heard someone calling him a mere mechanic. "This car was a side project for him. He's actually an artist."

"Like painting and stuff?"

"No, he's more of a sculptor. He does installation art with scrap metal."

"Maybe he can use what's left of the car to make something artsy?" Emmett offered. Edward swiftly punched him in the arm, saving me the trouble of having to do it.

"Your mean streak is rubbing off on my little brother. I do not approve," Emmett said with a grave look in my direction.

"I'm sure your brother was mean long before I came along, so don't give me all the credit."

Judging by his narrowed eyes, Edward also didn't approve of me. I smiled sweetly in response.

Between all the banter, I hadn't realized that we had come to a stop in front of a nondescript brown brick building that I didn't recognize.

"This is it?" I asked, not making a great effort to keep the disappointment from my tone.

"Just wait 'til you see what's inside," Edward assured me.

"I'll see you guys... _on stage_," Emmett said enigmatically before disappearing around the corner to the back entrance.

Edward led me to the unmarked entrance on the other side of the building, which was teeming with people. The crowd was slightly older than I would've expected for a concert of some sort, and predominantly male for some reason. As we entered the building, pushing past the excited hordes of people, the noise level started to grow. I really hoped that they weren't bringing me to some kind of underground cock fight. That kind of thing didn't end very well for me last time. Don't ask.

As we passed through the last set of doors, the sound and smell of an enthused crowd hit me. My eyes adjusted to the shift in light and I realized we were in some sort of makeshift arena. Rows of bleachers filled with rowdy spectators were stacked around a boxing ring which stood in the middle of the large space.

"Emmett is a boxer?" I asked in surprise.

Edward smiled, obviously pleased with himself, and corrected me. "Emmett is a wrestler."


	5. Lucha Libre

**A/N: **Yay readers for making a comeback in the "Name that lyric/song title" game. I'm still slightly in the lead, but you guys are gaining. Keep it up ;)

I'm sorry if I haven't replied to all the reviews since the last chapter. I've been away from home, but I'll try and catch up soon. Just know I appreciate everyone who's reading and reviewing! You're making my heart super happy!

Thank you to **Sweet Dulcinea** for stepping in as substitute beta while Hopeful Wager was feeling under the weather. Thanks to preview girls for snuggling my self esteem ;)

**All copyright****ed**** and trademarked items mentioned herein ****are the property of**** their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

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**Chapter 5: Lucha Libre

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**10:17 PM**

"You're kidding me!" I squealed in surprise, punching Edward's arm in excitement.

"Nope," he groaned, wincing and rubbing his bicep. "Our boy Emmett is a semi-professional wrestler, and not just any wrestler... He's a lucha libre." Edward seemed very pleased with my reaction, despite the enthused physical abuse I was inflicting upon him.

"That is without a doubt the coolest thing ever," I said as I looked around the arena in wonder. "Does he wear a mask?"

"Oh yes," Edward replied, obviously amused by my childlike glee at the prospect.

"I'm sorry to say it, Eddie boy, but I declare Emmett the undefeatable awesome Cullen brother. There is officially nothing you can tell me about yourself that can top this."

Edward kicked dramatically at an imaginary rock. "Girls are always swayed by Emmett's glitz and glamour."

"We do tend to be easily distracted by sparkly things. Poor Edward," I lamented, patting him condescendingly on the shoulder, "it must be terribly lonely, living in the cold shadow of your brother's awesomeness."

"You have no idea." He added a fake sniffle that made me giggle.

"Are Alice and Jasper here yet?" I asked, scanning the crowd.

Edward squinted in the direction of the front row of bleachers and shook his head. "Knowing them they probably never made it out of the parking lot."

I pulled a face. "Doesn't it bother you that your friend and your sister are so... partial to PDA?"

"You get used to it when you're exposed to it _all the time_. Alice and Jasper saw each other at our first gig, when she was a senior in high school and Jasper and I were freshmen in college," Edward began, steering me through the crowd in the direction of what I hoped would be front row seats. "It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. After our set, Jasper climbed off stage, marched up to Alice and kissed her like they were in some cheesy chick flick. We've had trouble removing them from each other ever since."

"A true love story," I mused, batting my eyelashes at him as we sat down in reserved seats a couple of rows from ringside.

"Now you're going to tell me you have the words 'true love exists' tattooed over your heart, right?" Edward asked in mock apprehension.

"Not exactly," I replied, rolling up my sleeve to show him my pride and joy.

He seemed surprised and definitely impressed when he read the words that were tattooed on my lower arm aloud, "We're all mad here."

I smiled proudly, but it faded into a quiet and embarrassing gasp as he traced a finger lightly over the inked words, leaving a trail of traitorous goosebumps behind. He stifled a grin as I pulled my arm away from his touch.

"So," I said, clearing my throat to try and mask my lameass reaction, "do you have any ink of your own?"

He turned around in his seat and pulled his hoodie down to expose his neck. Etched onto his skin in black ink was a bar of music notes that tapered and zig-zagged into a lifeline like one would see on a heart monitor. It was painfully adorable that he loved music this much. I felt my heart contract into a spasm of affection, and I was glad he couldn't see the goofed out look on my face at that moment, because it would've ruined my badass rep (or what was left of it, anyway).

"I like it," I said in a soft voice that I hoped wouldn't give me away.

He turned back to me and was about to say something when loud trumpet music began to blare from the speakers and the crowd roared in response. "It's starting soon," Edward pointed out the obvious. "Do you want snacks?"

I would never pass up the opportunity to consume vast amounts disgusting food at sporting events. "A hot dog and a Coke… and Milk Duds." Edward was looking at me expectantly so I added, "And cotton candy," while grinning widely.

He blinked slowly, but still didn't say anything.

"Please?" I asked sweetly as I widened my eyes innocently.

Edward chuckled and gestured to the vendor, who was dressed in a festive red and white shirt and glittery hat, and carrying a tray with a variety of yummy snacks. As Edward dealt with the snack guy, I started looking around excitedly for any sign of a grand entrance by a masked Emmett, but guessed that the music was just to get the spectators going. Edward handed over my small pile of deliciousness and attempted to pay the vendor for the whole lot, but I cleared my throat and elbowed him in the ribs before stuffing some money in the confused-looking gentleman's hand while Edward clutched his side.

I took a loud slurp of my Coke, ignoring Edward's scowls and grumbles of discontentment, and happily moved my shoulders to the beat of the music. I was enjoying the atmosphere and the colorful people seated around me. Little children were imitating their favorite characters, dressed in flashy masks, and adults were wearing t-shirts displaying slogans and names I didn't understand, but was sure I would enjoy if I did.

The music died down and was replaced with a loud drum roll which pounded dramatically through the speakers. "Is this it?" I asked eagerly.

Edward smiled and nodded, and I craned my neck to see to the other side of the ring, where it seemed the entrances would be made.

"Señoras y señores, ladies and gentlemen," a deep voice rumbled around us. "Tonight the Cadenas brothers bring you: the battle to end all battles, the clash of the titans, mejor de lo mejor!" The announcer started to work the crowd into a frenzy with cries of, "Are you ready?", and I turned to Edward, who I caught staring at me.

_Not creepy at all._

"Emmett is the best of the best?" I asked, impressed to be in such important company.

"You bet," Edward replied proudly. "Undefeated in his class."

"Which class would that be?"

"I don't really know. Emmett tried to explain to me, but it's this weird combination of age, weight, experience and popularity. All I know is it's just under the veteran's class."

"Will he be coming out now?"

"There are normally four matches, and Emmett's is the second."

"Awesome." I smiled as I started to wolf down my hotdog.

"Make some noise," the voice rang out again, "for El Gato Misterio!"

The crowd went into hysterics, cheering for the dude who appeared from the entrance wearing a pair of leopard print tights and a mask fully equipped with cat ears and whiskers. He waved enthusiastically as he climbed into the ring, bouncing energetically on the balls of his feet.

"And now... Joining us from the Gold Coast." The tone of the announcer's voice had changed, which made me suspect that something awesome was about to appear from behind the heavy red velvet curtains. "Cabeza del Orooooo!"

The crowd erupted into a chorus of boos and I ducked as they started to throw empty plastic cups, candy wrappers and half-eaten hot dogs at the ring. The menacing wrestler appeared from the shadows, dressed from head to toe in garish gold lamé and shaking his fist angrily at the crowd.

"Oooooh, someone's pissed the people off," I commented in a low voice.

El Gato Misterio and Cabeza del Oro stood facing each other in the middle of the ring as the referee spoke to them with stern hand gestures. A bell rang as a cue for the match to begin and they immediately sprang to action, launching themselves from the ropes and colliding in mid air. I had made the mistake of taking the first bite of my hotdog just as they collided and ended up reacting by squirting mustard all over the extremely large, curly haired man's head in front of me. I froze in shock and fear, waiting for him to turn around and beat me to a pulp, but he didn't notice a thing, as he was too busy yelling obscenities at poor, misunderstood Cabeza del Oro.

Edward clamped one hand over his mouth, and slapped his knee with the other, shaking with laughter.

"You better not say a fucking thing," I warned dangerously.

"I would never," Edward replied seriously. "I especially won't say anything about how that terrifying vision will haunt my nightmares."

"That terrifying vision will become a brutal scarring attack if you don't can it right now," I hissed, imagining the chaos that would erupt if Mustard-Haired Man realized what I had done to his already greasy locks.

"Your thinly veiled threats are becoming less potent with their frequency," Edward retorted in a lazy monotone.

I drew a sharp breath in response to his low blow. I would have to work on my fear factor. I turned my attention back to the acrobatics that were on display in the ring as I contemplated how I would restore some of my evil street cred with Edward.

I found myself becoming transfixed by the masked men who were entertaining the crowd so thoroughly, and if I was being honest, I was being mighty entertained myself.

I turned toward Edward and found him looking away quickly as I caught him staring at me again. "Dude, seriously," I began, smoothing down the hair that was peeking out the bottom of my furry hat, "if someone squirted mustard all over my hair too without me knowing, you have to tell me instead of staring like a jerk."

"No mustard," he confirmed, shifting in his seat and taking a sip of his soda in an attempt to disguise is borderline stalkerish behavior.

"Then you need to start explaining the staring before I blow my rape whistle." I was only half kidding.

"It just seemed like you were enjoying yourself and..." He trailed off, probably thinking that I was going to let it go with one half-assed almost-excuse.

"...and?" I prompted. "You didn't want to ruin it by telling me I had something stuck in my teeth?" I looked at him questioningly.

"You're sort of pretty when you aren't acting like a giant Japanese reptile who's attacking New York." He shrugged and grinned dryly.

"Nice," I exclaimed, rising abruptly from my seat, "real nice." My cotton candy and handbag went tumbling to the floor. _So much for a dramatic exit._At least I'd had the common sense of keeping my Coke in my hand.

"Aww, c'mon, you know I was just messing with you," Edward said with a condescending little shake of his head that did nothing but fuel my annoyance further.

I narrowed my eyes menacingly. When the burly, excited men around me started yelling angrily at me to get out of their way, Edward's eyes grew wide with worry.

"Sit the fuck down, won't you," he hissed, tugging at the sleeve of my jacket. "You're just further proving my point."

"This," I seethed, wagging my finger at him, "really isn't helping the situation."

Alice's voice interrupted my staring match with Edward. "Geez, Edward, you're a fucking danger-magnet tonight, aren't you?" Alice shoved me back into my seat with a surprising amount of force for such a small, delicate person, after which she and Jasper pushed past me, settling themselves in the open spaces beside me.

"You try to give a girl a compliment," he muttered under his breath.

"He called me Godzilla," I complained to Alice.

"Now kids, let's play nice," Alice scolded in a motherly tone. "It's almost big brother Emmett's turn."

I hadn't realized that the match had ended. I had assumed that the variety of trash that had come hurtling past me was due to my obstruction of the match. Meanwhile, Cabeza del Oro had won the match in an unprecedented upset, which had caused the crowd to burst into a new series of jeers.

"Call me Godzilla again, and I will _end_ you," I whispered dangerously in Edward's ear.

Thinking my threat had hit home, I retrieved my thankfully unharmed bag of cotton candy from the floor settled back into my seat.

A moment later Edward's breath was tickling my ear. "I'd like to see you try."

_Fuck._

A chill shot down my spine and I drew a shaky breath, which destroyed my last remaining crumb of bad-assery. I mentally cursed my turncoat of a body for reacting so severely to him and his stupid whispers and touches.

_Bella Swan does__not__ get flustered,_I pep talked myself mentally. _So, clearly, I am not Bella Swan tonight. Awesome night to disappear, Ballsy Bella. Welcome, Feeble Franny. Please go back to the Dark Ages, where you belong._

Alice nudged me excitedly with her shoulder. "It's time! It's time!"

The crowd-encouraging music started up again, I decided to ignore Edward's self-satisfied smirk in favor of turning my attention on the curtain where Emmett's mystery persona would soon emerge.

"Does Emmett do this often?" I asked Alice, turning my back to Edward on purpose.

"About once a month. This is the second time he's done a New Year's Eve match, so it's becoming sort of a tradition for us," Alice replied, taking Jasper's hand and leaning her head lovingly against his shoulder.

"The picking up strange girls and inviting them with us is a new tradition that Edward started more recently," Jasper chimed in with a mischievous wink.

"Really? That's interesting because I cause car crashes every year so I don't have to spend New Year's Eve alone," I joked in reply.

The announcer's voice chimed out once more, announcing the first participant in the next match to be Rey en los Pantalones.

"Is that him?" I asked, but had my question answered when a tall, dark and lean man in a sleek black pair of leather pants and waistcoat appeared. He clearly wasn't Emmett, but the crowd seemed thrilled to have him there. His black and white mask reminded me of Kiss, although the rhinestones which adorned it were a unique touch.

Rey en los Pantalones sprang swiftly into the ring and leaned quietly in a corner, waiting for his opponent to arrive.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen," the announcer continued enthusiastically, "for the first time in the history of the sport, we have the opportunity of seeing a king go up against a _prince_." There was a collective gasp from the crowd, followed by the loudest round of cheers of the evening. "El Príncipe Ranaaaaaa!"

The curtains flew apart and a man, who I would never have believed was Emmett if I didn't know, sauntered down the aisle menacingly. He wore a pair of bright green spandex pants that put Edward and Jasper's skinny jeans to shame, and the sequins of his equally green mask glittered under the lights of the arena. What surprised me the most was the fact that every piece of bare skin was painted a toxic metallic green. He looked like a flashy version of the Hulk.

"Emmett?" I confirmed with Alice.

"That green gentleman is not Emmett, my dear, _that_ is the Frog Prince," Alice responded in a mock serious tone that made me smile.

Emmett oozed persona as he strolled to the ring. As he neared us, I noticed that he had something none of the other performers had had thus far: a ring girl. I couldn't see the blonde girl very clearly at first, but when she appeared into view I realized that she was more of a ring _woman_ than a ring girl. Her blonde hair was teased and voluminous, her bosom was ample and voluptuous, and her clothing was scant and sparkly. And she looked _old_. Like, really old (in relation of early twenty-something Emmett). I suspected she was nearing forty, but she was probably younger than she looked, if one was to factor in the effect of the cigarette that hung lazily from her lips. She strolled along beside Emmett, carrying a sign that read, "El Príncipe Rana está listo para un beso."

"Uh... who's... that?" I asked hesitantly, afraid to vocalize my judgment.

"_That's_ Rose," Edward chimed in uninvited, referring to the conversation we had been having earlier.

"And she's Emmett's..." _Groupie, nurse, creepy aunt, coach..._

"Everything," Edward, Alice and Jasper all replied with a simultaneous exaggerated dreamy sigh.

Their statement was confirmed by Rose, who removed her cigarette from her mouth momentarily to jump up and wrap her legs around "El Príncipe Rana's" waist and lift the bottom of his mask from his mouth so she could kiss him passionately, before replacing her cigarette and exiting the ring to cheer him on from the sidelines. Her version of cheering consisted of sucking an entire cigarette down in less than a minute and shrieking visciously at the referee when she thought Emmett was being treated unfairly.

I watched in utter shock and awe as Emmett collided with his opponent and flew through the air by launching himself from the ropes every chance he could get.

"How did Emmett get into this?" I asked in amazement.

"He used to be a varsity wrestler, but it didn't really go far beyond that," Alice almost yelled into my ear, trying to communicate over the volume of the crowd. "Then he got into some... trouble, and had to get money fast. To this day I don't know how he heard about them, but do you see those three scary looking dudes in the front row on the other side?" she asked, gesturing to three stoic men who were surrounded by burly bodyguards. I nodded my acknowledgement. "That's Aro, Marcus and Caius Cadenas. They're basically the Mexican mafia in Seattle."

I whipped my head around in surprise. "There's a Mexican mafia in Seattle?"

"You'd be surprised," Alice quipped mysteriously. "Emmett is still in quite a bit of debt with them, and doing these kinds of gigs is just one of the many colorful ways he has found of repaying them."

"He doesn't like... _whack_ anyone, does he?" I couldn't really imagine sweet, goofy teddy bear Emmett as a hitman.

Alice laughed heartily at the thought. "Sometimes he has to tag along to scare some people, but he isn't really capable of inflicting actual hurt on another person."

Judging by the beating Emmett seemed to be dishing out to Rey en los Pantalones, I wasn't sure that was entirely true.

"Up until tonight, I thought _I_ was the weirdest person I'd ever meet," I said to no one in particular.

I saw Edward smile in my peripheral vision. "And our evening is hardly even over yet..."


	6. Doomed Destinations

**A/N: **It makes me feel giddy and squee-tastic that I'm not playing the "Name that lyric/song title" game alone anymore. Thank you for humoring me, and congrats to the readers who got bonus points last time for identifying a song I hadn't even intended ;)

My undying love and gratitude to my awesomesauce beta, **Hopeful Wager** and my incomparable preview girls.

_(Sidebar: My inner geek-girl has being doing awkward yet excited cartwheels since seeing Kick-Ass yesterday. It may just be my favorite movie ever. If you do not love it after watching, you are surely dead inside)_

**All copyright****ed**** and trademarked items mentioned herein ****are the property of**** their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

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**Chapter 6: Doomed Destinations

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**10:58PM**

The rest of the match had the crowd in constant suspense. By the end of it I was standing on my seat, yelling obscenities at the referee who seemed to be constantly looking down Rose's cleavage while Emmett was getting sucker punched behind him. Thankfully, El Princípe Rana walked away with the match and a good chunk of Rey en los Pantalones's leather vest. Otherwise, I may have caused some kind of incident.

Edward tugged at the edge of my skirt to get me to climb down from my chair, and I reluctantly complied.

"You okay there?" he asked, his eyes glinting with obvious amusement behind dark-rimmed spectacles.

"Fantastic, thank you," I said with a purposefully oblivious smile as I sat down next to him.

He smiled a strange little smile and shook his head at my ridiculousness. "We're supposed to be at another party in a while, but we can stay here if you like? Since you're enjoying it so much."

"It's going to have to be an extremely tempting party to top this," I said, shooting a mock serious look in his direction.

"Oh, Bella," he said, pursing his lips condescendingly, "sweet Bella, you don't really think I'm going to tell you where we're going, do you?"

"Oh, Edward, dear annoying Edward, you don't really think your douchecity becomes more attractive with its frequency, do you?" I shot back sweetly, with a heavy undercurrent of sarcasm.

He sneered. "You know you love it."

I stared at him for a moment, blinking blankly, before turning back to Alice who seemed to be watching our exchange with equal mirth. "Alice, Jasper, are you two going to this party that Edward speaks of?" I asked pointedly.

"Why, yes. Yes, we are," Alice replied sweetly, catching on to my tone.

"And are _you_going to tell me anything about this party?" I continued imploringly.

"Why, no. No, we're not," Jasper interjected, clamping his hand playfully over Alice's mouth.

"You, my friend, are going on my list." I threatened Jasper with pointed finger.

"Oooooh, I hope it's the naughty list." Jasper shot a mischievous wink in my direction that made me lose my train of thought for a moment.

"Come on, let's get out of here before the main event." Edward hooked his arm through mine, guiding me up from my seat. "The crowd gets a little... uh... violent roundabout this time."

"That really isn't the right thing to say to get me to leave, you know?" I said with stubbornly folded arms.

"You're such a freak," Edward laughed as he abruptly scooped me up in his arms and carried me from the arena, followed by whistles and cat calls from the crowd.

"What is _wrong_with you?" I squealed in protest, willing him to let me go by wildly flailing my legs, but wrapping my arms around his neck nonetheless. The Jane Austen-loving part of me was silently swooning over being carried like this. The annoyingly rational part of me was wondering how such a skinny guy was able to carry a squirming girl such as myself _anywhere_, much less up a ridiculous amount of steps to the exit.

"I'm not kidding, Bella. This place goes into lockdown for the final match. We need to leave now before it starts," Edward explained, turning to push the arena doors open with his back before dashing through the foyer into the cool night air.

I glanced over Edward's shoulder and saw Alice and Jasper rushing out behind us before the crowd roared unlike it had all night and the doors slammed behind us, quieting the noise. We stood in the street for a moment, giggling like kids, Edward still holding me in his arms. Rational-Bella once again ducked in to say, _You should probably tell him to let you go now, _while Swooning-Bella covertly sniffled the delicious guy scent of Edward's neck.

"Was that really necessary?" I asked when I had finally stilled my cursed giggling enough to speak.

"You didn't really want to spend the rest of New Year's Eve surrounded by cursing Latino men, did you?" Edward asked, starting to look genuinely worried.

"No, loser," I said, rolling my eyes, "I meant the dramatic exit." I wiggled in his arms to emphasize my point.

Edward's eyes met mine for a surprisingly intense moment before he brought his lips to my ear and whispered, "That part was just for fun."

I stifled an involuntary shiver and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath as I focused on the feel of his breath on my neck.

Our moment was interrupted by a chorus of dramatic coughs beside us. Edward let me down suddenly and I took a moment to scowl at Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose who turned out to be the offending coughers.

They burst out laughing at the pissed look on my face, and Emmett was the first to speak. "Sorry, Bella. Did we interrupt something there?"

"Shut up, Green Cheeks," I spat out huffily at Emmett who was still partially covered in the bright green metallic paint from earlier.

"Don't try to deny it. I know the green and the spandex got you all hot and bothered." Emmett winked and grinned back at me. Rose interrupted our little exchange by not-so-subtly smacking Emmett's chest with the back of her hand that she was still holding a cigarette in. I watched as one of the dying embers burned a tiny hole into the front of Emmett's hoodie. He didn't seem to mind and simply pulled Rose, who was already lighting another cigarette to replace the one she had extinguished on Emmett, close to his side and kissed the top of her platinum blonde hair affectionately.

"Bella, may I introduce Rosalie, the love of my life?" Emmett said, gesturing gallantly to Rose, who merely nodded stiffly in my direction and busied herself with digging around in her bag. After a good few moments of rummaging, she produced a dubious piece of gum from within the depths of the purple patent leather monstrosity and popped it into her mouth. Her cigarette bobbed up and down between her lips as she started to chew.

I didn't really have the words to describe the sight of tatooed, semi-green, hoodie-and-shorts-wearing Emmett next to red-lipped, blue-eyeshadowed, stripper-heeled Rosalie. Seeing her up close confirmed that she was substantially older than Emmett and not very well looked-after. She wore a short jacket with a furry collar over a pair of red shorts, black stockings and silver strappy heels.

"Emmett, baby, I love you but you're crushing me," Rose croaked out suddenly, her cigarette still dangling precariously from her lips as she shrugged Emmett's arm from her shoulders. It sounded like her vocal chords had been shredded by a blunt, tar-laced cheese grater.

"Sorry, babe. This better?" Emmett asked, resting his hand playfully on her ass.

She looked up at him for a tense moment, before pulling her cigarette from her mouth and kissing Emmett in a borderline obscene manner right there on the sidewalk. When they pulled apart, Emmett was the one chewing the gum. I felt like I needed brain bleach.

"So, we better be heading to that party soon, before we miss the countdown." Edward interrupted the grossest moment of the evening so far. "Jazz, you'll give us a ride, won't you?"

"Sure," Jasper replied, starting to walk away from the arena. "It isn't very far, anyway."

We followed Jasper and Alice around the corner to a packed parking lot, Emmett and Rose not far behind, while chattering about the matches of the night. As we approached a row of parked cars, I wondered what kind of vehicle Jasper drove that would make them think that five adults and beefy Emmett would actually fit in it. Jasper came to a stop next to a large, dull metallic green Cadillac, circa 1964 by the looks of it. Hanging around with Jake for extended periods of time had instilled this kind of random information in my brain.

"Nice-looking Caddy you got there, Jazz," I said slightly sarcastically. I wasn't into cars so much, but growing up around the boys from the Rez like I had, I didn't really have much of a choice. My dubiously expert opinion of Jasper's car was that it was a hunk o' junk. It was dirty and rusted around the edges, and the vinyl of the top appeared to be torn in several places.

"I do not appreciate you using that tone in reference to Maria," Jasper replied indignantly.

"Mar-" I began before Edward silenced me with an unexpected squeeze to my hand.

"Don't go there, we'll be here all night," he muttered in my ear and the swoony shivers returned.

Jasper and Alice took the front while Edward, Emmett, Rose and I piled into the back of the car. I was impressed that we all managed to fit, although it probably would've been a lot more comfortable if Emmett hadn't stubbornly declined the front seat. We had barely pulled out of the lot before he and Rose started getting into it next to us.

"I may be pointing out the obvious here," I said to Edward in a low voice, "but you seem to have a very... passionate family." I hoped that the tinny sounds of some unidentifiable disco tune that was humming from the speakers would disguise our little exchange.

Rose let out a moan worthy of some high quality internet porn beside me, punctuating my point.

"It must be in our blood," Edward replied with a sly wink that seemed to ignite a little spark in my girl parts.

_Wow, that was unexpected._

I coughed awkwardly and tried to move slightly away from him, but found the exercise futile since it just moved me closer to Emmett and Rose. I really didn't want to get caught up in that gropefest.

"So..." I began, trying to remain nonchalant and failing, "you're seriously not going to tell me where we're going?"

"Nope, next topic, moving on," he said with an annoyingly bright smile.

I bit my bottom lip in an attempt to keep calm before speaking again. "So, an airband, huh?" I asked, not bothering to keep the scathing amusement from my tone.

"What's it like, living in the past?" Edward asked with an inquisitive frown.

"What?" I did little to hide the exasperated annoyance in my voice.

"You keep on rehashing the past. We need to move forward."

"Did I miss the part where you started smoking crack?"

Edward's response was a smug grin. I wanted to break his nose with the heel of my hand like they taught us in self-defense class. I imagined the satisfying crack as the cartilage caved beneath my touch. Then I imagined his blood all over my pretty green coat and rethought my course of action. _Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent,_my mother always used to quote. It spoke volumes about why her marriage to my police-chief father had failed.

"Shall we talk about how you cleverly avoid talking about uncomfortable topics by spewing nonsensical bullshit?" I asked sweetly.

"I'd rather talk about these assholes that you claim to be between," he replied in an equally saccharine tone.

"I don't really feel comfortable sharing that information with a total stranger."

"But you feel comfortable with spending New Year's Eve venturing around Seattle with said stranger?" he challenged.

"Thankfully, it's my life, and my choices only need to make sense to me, don't they?"

"Oh my _gawd_," Alice groaned from the front seat, turning around to face us. "Between the Emmett-Rose peep show extravaganza and the two of you and your verbal foreplay, I think my ears are going to start bleeding any minute now."

"No one said you had to listen," Emmett interjected, finally coming up for air.

"You haven't given me much of a choice, now have you, dear brother?"

"You're just jealous because you can't do anything while Jazz is driving," he shot back.

"That isn't entirely true, is it, Jazz?" Alice replied saucily. Jasper's creepy little chuckle confirmed a theory that I hadn't even had. I shuddered at the thought.

"Please tell me we're almost at this place. I can't handle the grossness anymore," I said, covering my ears with my hands and grimacing.

"As a matter of fact," Jasper announced to my great relief, "it's just around the corner now."

We rounded the corner and an ultra-modern, sickeningly familiar building came into view. I swallowed nervously but decided to say nothing, since that building had many apartments that did not necessarily hold unpleasant memories for me.

Jasper miraculously found a parking spot on the crowded street and even more miraculously managed to parallel park the cruise ship named Maria in it. I was vaguely aware of the others talking around me as we exited the car and walked toward the building, but my mind was too occupied with dread to participate.

We entered the sleek foyer with its glossy marble floors and minimalist art, which seemed to have remained unchanged since I had last been there. We stepped into the elevator with its mirrored walls and, as Alice pressed the button to take us to the top floor, I felt all the blood rush from my face. An acute sense of impending doom settled in the pit of my stomach.

_It's been a while. He could've moved. Yes. He moved. That's it, nothing to worry about,_I mentally chanted.

"Bella, are you okay?" Edward murmured beside me, squeezing my arm gently. "You don't look so good."

"Elevators," I croaked out. "Not a fan."

The elevator doors opened with an infuriatingly cheerful ping and the doors slid open to reveal a bustling crowd of people and loud, pumping electronic music.

As my companions stepped into the loft, I was very tempted to let the elevator doors close and make a run for it. Eager Alice seemed to have other plans as she grabbed my arm and dragged me excitedly into the space that was threatening to actually make me vomit.

"Nice place, huh?" Alice asked brightly.

I responded with a weak smile and a nod. "So, you're friends with the owner?" I asked, my voice quivering slightly.

"Yes, we go way back. Oh, there he is now!" Alice waved to someone behind me and gestured them to us.

I had lost all motor functions and was rooted in place. I couldn't turn around. This wasn't happening.

"Alice, darling, I'm so glad you could make it." The voice made my stomach churn.

"And I brought friends," she replied, turning me around to face him. "This is Bella. Bella, this is James, our host for the rest of the evening."

His eyes settled on me and his lips curled away from his too-white teeth as he sneered, "Aren't you a sore sight for sore eyes?" After an excruciating pause he focused his attention back on Alice. "Bella and I are actually _very _well acquainted."

The sound of my internal screaming was drowning out all the noise around me, but I could perfectly read the words which were forming on Edward's lips.

"How do you two know each other?"

_Fuck. My. Life._


	7. Countdown Kerfuffle

**A/N:** I will spare you the author's note at the beginning so you can get right to it (because Jake's in this one, squeeee), but be sure to read at the bottom ;)

Thanks to **Hopeful Wager** for super fast ninja beta skills and my preview girls for helping me get this done.

**All copyright****ed**** and trademarked items mentioned herein ****are the property of**** their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

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**Chapter 7: Countdown Kerfuffle**

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**11:26 PM**

Edward glanced expectantly between me and James, awaiting an answer to a question that he obviously thought should be easy to answer. What he didn't know was that the easy answer would also be one that would have him grabbing his family and running for the exit. I realized that we had been dropped into the midst of a potential war zone and it was up to me to disarm the situation before things got out of hand.

"We have mutual acquaintances," I answered hastily as James opened his mouth to speak. I shot him a glance, equally pleading and warning in hopes that he'd humor my ambiguity.

"I have never known you to be one of so few words, Bella dear," James commented with dangerous amusement. I could tell from his expression that he liked to see me squirm. He had always been a vindictive bastard. Not always without reason, but a bastard nonetheless.

Edward's quizzical gaze communicated that he shared James' suspicion at my concise introduction. "Small world, isn't it?" he quipped, his eyebrows knitting with obvious suspicion.

"The smallest," I replied, grabbing onto his arm and tugging. "I don't know about you, but I could really use a drink. Edward, won't you step out of character for a moment to be a gentleman and get me one?" I hoped that insults would distract him from the admittedly awkward conversation.

He started to argue but I silenced him with a sweet, oblivious smile. Emmett and Jasper followed behind Edward upon meeting the demanding gazes of their significant others.

When they had disappeared between the throng of partygoers, I smiled politely to Alice and Rose. "Would you excuse us for just one minute?" I asked as I dragged James away into a darkened corner.

"Listen, I know this wasn't part of the deal, but I didn't know they were bringing me here," I hissed.

"Don't be so dramatic, you know it's no problem," he replied smoothly, making me suspect that it could become a problem very soon.

"Please don't screw this up for me," I pleaded and suppressed the urge to vomit in my mouth at the thought of begging James for anything. "I just met this guy and there is a slight chance that it might not be a colossal fuck up, so..." I trailed off, meeting his pale brown eyes head on.

"You say this as if I owe you something, and the last time I checked, the opposite was true. So, why exactly would I do that?" I marveled at the way he could disguise the cruelty of his words with the suave tenor of his voice.

"I could say 'to do something decent for another human being,' but I guess appealing to your humanity would be pushing it," I spat back petulantly.

His condescending chuckle grated me to my core. "Your anger is amusing, but ineffective, I'm afraid. How about I make you a deal, a show of 'humanity' as you call it." I didn't relish the thought of making any kind of deal with James, but I was pretty sure it was the best I was going to get out of him. "I won't tell the skinny boy about our... _history_ unless he asks me directly."

"And in exchange you want me to...?" I prompted skeptically.

"I just enjoy the thought of having you indebted to me. It's like having a big fat IOU handed to me."

As I stared at the mean glint in James' eyes and the way his slimy tongue licked at his thin lips, I couldn't believe that I had gotten myself back into this mess. I had been so sure that I would be able to move along from it. It had taken months and months of careful avoidance to keep Jake out of it, and I just about wanted to dunk my own head into a toilet as punishment for my stupidity at walking right back into the fucked up situation.

"Jake wouldn't-" I began before James cut me off with a cold, abrupt laugh.

"You don't seriously think Jake would choose your side if he knew, do you?"

I felt like a major fucking idiot, glaring at him with my mouth agape, at a loss for anything to say. As if on queue, a familiar heat took up residence beside me.

"Well, motherfucking fuckity fuck, if it isn't the last fucking person in the world I expected to see here tonight," Jake sing-songed, throwing his heavy arm around my shoulder and enveloping me in his familiar sweet musk. Even after years, my best friend still had the same stupefying effect on me - whether I hadn't seen him for a day or a month.

"Life keeps bringing me back to you, you ugly fucker." I quoted our guilty pleasure sitcom's theme tune, trying to disguise the weak quiver in my voice.

"Life keeps bringing you home, Bellissima."

Fucking sly motherfucker knew he could always diffuse my temper by calling me that. Stupid weak knee caps. Stupid, _stupid_awakened girl parts.

"You're such a douche," I muttered sourly, shrugging his arm off my shoulder.

"And yet you return to the embrace of my sculpted biceps time and time again." He pulled me into a headlock and gave me a vigorous noogie through my furry hat, before tearing it from my head and hiding it behind his back.

"It's just because you owe me money, dickwad," I said, smoothing my hair down irritably. I nudged him in his side for effect. Not that it had much effect. Jake was so very tall and I was so very short that a nudge meant for his ribs always ended up somewhere lower-torso, which was usually bare. Jake wasn't into wearing shirts all that much, which was probably a safety hazard, considering how much time he spent welding in his shop, but he didn't seem to mind. He had never had hang-ups about his body. I had never discouraged him.

At least he had opted for a clingy white t-shirt under an equally clingy plaid button-up shirt tonight, and let me tell you, it wasn't any less hot than his normally shirtless state. His low-hanging, faded jeans showed off his long legs to perfection and his dark, shaggy hair was looking particularly disheveled.

_Nice, Bella. Perfect time to perv over your best friend._

I'm assuming it isn't debt collecting that brings you here this fine evening?" Jake's eyes twinkled like they always did when he was messing with my head (whether he knew it or not). My heart sank as he sauntered over to James and cupped his hand around the back of James' neck. No matter how long they had been together, I could never get used to the way Jake touched him. My subconscious forced me not to dwell on the thought too long, and answer Jake's question before James did it for me.

"It's actually an amazing coincidence," I replied in a magical storyteller-type voice. "You see, I was supposed to meet my best friend and the rest of our friends for our annual New Year's Eve shindig, but to my utter surprise and dismay, I found that the aforementioned friends had decided to abandon me without warning. Hence, I had to rely on the kindness of strangers, who just so happened to come to this very party tonight. What are the odds?"

"Two souls... bound by destiny," Jake announced in a voice that would make the Moviefone guy proud.

"Yes, destiny is certainly having its way with me tonight," I muttered under my breath.

"I'm thrilled that the universe decided to steer you this way, Bells. The others are around here, too. They'll be happy to know you didn't get trampled by the New Year's Eve masses."

I flinched inwardly when I thought of my narrow escape with death and Jake's crumpled Rabbit hooked to the back of the wretched tow truck. Jake continued to massage his fingers into James' neck and I felt the familiar bile start to rise in my throat. As much as I told myself I had moved on - from all of it - my body's reaction was telling me something different entirely.

"About that…" I started softly, but was interrupted by a familiar bombastic laugh from behind me.

"Dude, your friends are nuts." Emmett shook with laughter as he came to a standstill next to me, beer bottles rattling in his hands. He was flanked by Embry and Jared, who seemed to be the cause of his laughter. Trust those three to pick each other out.

"How could you not tell us you were friends with the man, the legend: El Principé Rana?" Embry demanded, outraged. "That is epic friend fail, Bells. I think we need to reevaluate our need for you in our inner circle."

"Without me, your inner circle would be more of an awkward triangle, so I don't really think you want to do that, Embers," I shot back sarcastically.

"Did someone have Bitch Butter on their toast this morning?" Jared asked with faux concern.

"Yes, I had it with a side of 'shut the fuck up or I'll kick you in the Cracker Jacks,' Janet." I shot him a pointed warning and, he and Embry burst out laughing in unison.

Maybe I was the one who needed to reassess my friendship situation. These jokers were never going to leave me alone now, and I really needed to tell Jake about his car before it came exploding out of me in an unceremonious manner.

Jake was observing the scene with obvious amusement as Edward and Rosalie joined our increasingly torturous little circle.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I got you pre-emptive midnight champagne," Edward said as he handed me a ruby tinted crystal champagne glass and did the awkward little dance he always seemed to be doing, that I had mentally named The Geek Shuffle.

I couldn't help but smile at his uncertainty in front of a group of strangers. It was adorable.

"This boy has Bella written all over him," Jake chimed in loudly. My cheeks flamed at his words and I suddenly felt like we were eight years old again. Jake never could pass up an opportunity to embarrass me, and I secretly loved him for it. Well, I secretly loved him for a lot of things…

"This is the knight in Shining Volvo who saved a poor, abandoned girl on New Year's Eve. Edward, this is Jacob, the bane of my existence." I rolled my eyes and gestured vaguely between the two of them.

Jake's impressive stature seemed to make Edward a little nervous, which I also found endearing. I examined the two boys as they shook hands and couldn't help but notice how completely different they were from each other. From their contrasting skin tones to their eyes to their choice in clothing, it was like night and day.

The way they made me feel also couldn't be more different. While I had loved Jake since I could remember, and silently worshiped the quicksand he walked on, the feelings that had been building toward Edward since the beginning of the evening were more gradual, like a fungus. An adorable, insufferable fungus.

"Wait, is this Jake? Your best friend, Jake?" Edward asked as recognition dawned on his face.

_Fuck._

The mischievous glint in Emmett's eye was utterly terrifying as he joined in. "Is this the one-"

_Fuuuuuuuuuuuck._

I laughed loudly and abruptly, interrupting the impending shit storm that Emmett's completion of that sentence would create.

All eyes turned to me as I scrambled for something to say. "Ummmm, Jake, could I speak to you alone for a moment?" I asked, glaring at Edward and Emmett who had very almost ruined everything.

"If you're trying to hit me up for some more of that meth you seem to be using, you're out of luck, Belly Welly." Jake's eyes were wide and an expression of obvious enjoyment was dancing over his face.

"Are you coming or not, assface?" I was dangerously close to stamping my foot. It wouldn't be the first time.

Jake untangled himself from James, but not before whispering something in his ear and enraging me further. I grabbed Jake by his enormous paw and led him through the surprisingly large crowd to James' bedroom, setting my glass down roughly on a nearby counter in the process.

I pushed the door open, to find an unidentified, naked ass bobbing up and down in front of me.

"Motherfucker!" I yelled involuntarily, attempting to shield my eyes.

The couple who appeared to be defiling James' bed, and the coats of most of the guests, turned around without pausing their motions.

"Little privacy, please, Bella? Unless you plan on joining in?" Jasper winked over his shoulder. Alice giggled beneath him.

I didn't know where to look, so I just stumbled backwards out of the room. Jake was rattling with laughter behind me as I stalked off to the guest bedroom.

"Your new friends are very colorful," he commented.

"See what happens when you leave me alone? I bring home deviants." I poked him in the arm as he closed the bedroom door behind us.

"I should leave you alone more often." His wide grin was almost too much for me. I felt my resolve wavering. I needed to tell him about how I had wrecked his beloved machine before I told him the other secret that was clawing its way out of me. I only had the capacity to keep one thing from him at a time.

"Jake, how much do you love me?" I blurted out suddenly.

_Fucking smooth._

"What kind of a question is that? You know you're my everything." The humor hadn't left his voice.

"I'm serious," I whined softly. "You need to pledge your undying love before I tell you this."

"Aww, Bellsy, you know you're the girl I love the most in the whole wide world," he cooed, stepping forward to wrap his arms around me.

The familiar warm snuggling and the predictable thump of his heart against my ear comforted me. We hadn't been this close in a while, and I missed it. All secret infatuations aside, I missed my friend.

"Okay, keep that in mind when I tell you…" I released myself from his grip so I could look him in the eye. "I kinda killed your car."

Jake stiffened and narrowed his eyes as he examined my face. "And by 'killed' you mean…?"

"Uuuhhh… wrapped it around a traffic light?" I closed my eyes tightly and braced myself for the Wrath of Jake to rain down upon me.

"Holy fuck, Bella," he said, gripping me by the shoulders.

_Here it comes. At least I will spend the last moments of my life being strangled by a beautiful boy._

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He smoothed my hair down and peered into my eyes with genuine concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I stammered, taken aback by his reaction. "I'll probably have a bit of whiplash, but I'm just dandy."

"You know, I've always been worried that your driving would get you killed," he muttered as he pulled me to him again and kissed the top of my head.

"There's nothing wrong with my driving." I had intended it to come out harsher, but it was more like a whispered sigh against his chest.

"There's everything wrong with your driving," he joked, his chest shaking a little as he laughed.

"How come you let me drive your prized possession if you think my driving is so fail?"

"You're my girl," he responded without missing a beat. "If anyone's going to ruin my things, it might as well be you."

"You're such a generous friend," I joked, pinching him lightly in the side.

"I know, you don't deserve me." He cupped my face in his hands and pressed a soft kiss to my lips, as he had done countless times before. But, unlike the countless times before, my stomach didn't fill with butterflies instantly. It was more like a warm glow of familiarity.

Could it really be that this kiss, which would always be platonic from Jake's side, had become platonic for me as well? What could've changed?

I didn't have another moment to ponder the thought, because the door creaked behind us. Jake and I turned to the entrance, still wrapped up in our hug, to find Edward standing there. Judging by the way his eyes seemed to bulge out of their sockets, I assumed that he wasn't taking kindly to the scene before him.

"I…" Edward croaked. "Yeah… I'm leaving." He turned and walked determinedly away from us.

"Edward, wait," I called out, somewhat overdramatically.

"Go get the pale boy. I can tell you like him, and vice versa," Jake said kindly, shooing me away.

"Love you." I meant it sincerely.

"You're such a loser," he replied, rolling his eyes. "Go. Now."

I scampered off through the crowd, hoping that Edward's ridiculous head of bronze hair would stand out. I ran into the midst of the throng until I caught him on his sleeve, tugging him back to me.

"Will you just stop?" I asked breathlessly.

"Do you mind? I was leaving." His voice was harsh and angry. It made me want to punch him in the face. Drama queen.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I demanded.

"I don't have a fucking problem. I'm just leaving. You found your friends, my job is done."

"So, now I'm a fucking _job_?"

"No, but you are a fucking piece of work," he spat back.

"Ex_cuse_ me?"

"Since we arrived here, all you've been doing is macking on guys in dark corners. I don't know what kind of sick situation you have going on here, but I don't think I need to be dragged into it."

"Can you please translate? I don't speak _psycho_." I was screeching in the middle of a crowded room, but I didn't care. It felt like my blood was boiling in my veins.

"Listen, I'm a one girl kinda guy. And, yes, I've experimented before, but I'm not really into threeways so much. So, if you want to be with those guys, fine by me. But I won't have any part of it."

"Experimented?" I asked, momentarily distracted by the notion of Edward with another guy. "Threeway? I think you need to give that imagination of yours a rest."

"I'm not blind," he seethed back at me.

"But you are _stupid_," I hissed. "Jacob is my best friend. My _gay_ best friend. James is his _boyfriend_."

"So, what was up with all the whispering and kissing?" Edward seemed completely frustrated and exhausted by this redundant conversation. He was not alone.

"I told Jake about totaling his car. We were reconciling, douchebag." I emphasized the last word by punching him in the shoulder.

"Again with the hitting." He winced and rubbed his arm.

"Pansy," I spat.

"Abuser," he retorted.

We stood there, glaring for a moment before he spoke again. "What about James? You two looked mighty cozy?"

"That is none of your business," I responded with forced politeness.

"Right." He nodded once, slowly. "I'm over this. I'm leaving." He turned again in an attempt to walk away.

I grabbed his sleeve again. "Can you stop trying to storm off for one fucking minute?"

"Can you tell me one real thing about you?"

I felt the air leave my lungs. I don't know where that had come from, but it had stopped me in my tracks. I felt like a child that had been caught being naughty.

I said nothing. I merely swallowed and took a step back. We had managed to get uncomfortably close during our little shouting match.

"Exactly what I thought." I could barely hear his whisper above the music and the noise.

"You don't know a fucking thing!"

_Dramatic much, Bella?_

"Yes, I don't know a thing because you don't tell me anything."

"What would you like to know?" I asked, getting right in his face, my voice a dangerous murmur. "Would you like to know how I've been in love with my gay best friend since I knew what love was? Or how I got drunk and slept with his _boyfriend_ in an attempt to somehow be with him by proxy? Or how I've been so ashamed since then, I've been letting his boyfriend manipulate me into staying away from them for fear of him telling on me? Is that fucked up enough for you?"

"Yes," he replied, his face inches from mine.

I became vaguely aware of the fact that the people around us had started the countdown to midnight. Somehow, it didn't seem to matter.

_Nine._

"You don't want this much crazy in your life." My lips were almost touching his.

_Seven._

"Who says I don't like 'em crazy?" He grazed his fingertips against my cheek.

_Four._

"You're insane." I exhaled shakily.

_Two._

"I know," was the last thing he said before he wrapped an arm around my neck and kissed me sweetly.

_One._

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**A/N: **And, that's all she wrote. Well, not quite. Let me explain. Sadly, this is the last chapter of this silly little tale, but I do have one last goodie remaining. I originally came up with this idea as a one shot for Smut Mondays (hosted by Ninapolitan and Manyafandom on Twilighted) but I soon realized that it was too wordy for a one shot. So, I wrote a bunch of short chapters and submitted the outtake for Smut Mondays. I'll post the outtake very soon, because I know everyone will be cheering for Edward and Bella to get it on (or maybe it's just me).

_**The bad news?**_ I won't be continuing this any time soon (although I am pondering a sequel in the future).

_**The good news?**_ I'm selling an outtake for the Fandom Gives Back charity auction. Any pairing, any POV, any silly situation. You name it, I'll write it.

The details are on my blog: dahliablackthings(dot)blogspot(dot)com or feel free to message me if you have any questions.

Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed. It makes the writing experience that much more rewarding to know that you made someone giggle on a crappy day.

_Love and snuggles and visions of Edward playing air riffs to you all._


	8. A Slightly Smutty Outtake

**A/N: **As promised, a smutty little outtake featuring your two beloved weirdos. This was written for Smut Mondays over on Twilighted before I had even finished the story, but hopefully it still works ;)

I made a **playlist** too, which you can find on my blog: dahliablackthings(dot)blogspot(dot)com.

Also remember that I'm up for auction for charity for **The Fandom Gives Back**. Outtakes, $1 drabbles and audio porn by yours truly is available for your perusal, and it ends tomorrow, so get on it! Details are on my blog!

Thank you to Nina for pioneering Smut Mondays and letting me be a part of it, and to Hope for humoring me when I got my dates mixed up. You have made this geek-loving girl super happy.

A thousand snuggles to **Sweet Dulcinea** for expert beta skills, and my preview girls for talking me off the smut-ledge many times.

**All copyright****ed**** and trademarked items mentioned herein ****are the property of**** their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

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**A Slightly Smutty New Year's Eve Outtake

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**1 January 2010**

**12:02 AM**

My heart was hammering violently in my chest as Edward pulled his lips from mine for the first time in what felt like it could have been hours. Any rage or anger or confusion I had been feeling in the moments before midnight had miraculously dissolved into a highly uncharacteristic goofy, heady happiness. If anyone had told me before tonight that people really did kiss each other in the midst of an argument like in ridiculously cheesy chick flicks, I would've rolled my eyes and called them either a douchenozzle or an asshat, depending on whether it was a guy or a girl.

Then again, if anyone had told me before tonight that a total stranger would crash into me while I was driving Jake's car on New Year's Eve, and that said stranger would reluctantly offer to drive me to the party I was already late for because none of my friends were reachable because all the phone lines were jammed, or any one of the other unbelievably absurd things that had happened to me tonight, I probably would've died laughing. And yet, here I was, two minutes into a new year, kissing a boy I had only known for four hours, and only liked for approximately half that time.

When I finally managed to open my eyes, I found Edward staring at me, like he had been doing intermittently all night, but this time his cheeks were flushed and his eyes seemed soft and intense, even from behind his dark-rimmed glasses. His hair was even more wild than usual and his lips were tugging into a curiously awed smile. From beyond my giddy haze I became aware of the fact that he was softly stroking my cheek with his thumb.

My first instinct was to be my usual blunt, stubborn self and say something rude and inappropriate to ruin a perfectly lovely moment with Edward (who was a fucking amazing kisser, by the way, and had become infinitely hotter in my eyes since having his tongue in my mouth), but I felt like I was pinned into place beneath the intensity of his gaze, and all words of protest caught in my throat as he leaned down to press his lips to mine again. A soft, involuntary moan escaped my mouth as his tongue met mine again and I thought I might die of embarrassment. Bella Swan did not _whimper_, for God's sake.

I felt Edward smile against my mouth. "I've had enough of this party, how about you?" he mumbled, his lips never leaving mine.

I managed to groan out something resembling a response, which prompted him to kiss me deeply one more time before taking my hand and leading me through the crowd of friends and strangers. I could vaguely hear familiar voices calling after me, but none were distinct enough to distract me from the entrancing sight of Edward's long, skinny jean-clad legs in front of me. One kiss and I'd turned into a total horndog.

A sobering blast of cold air hit me as we stepped out onto the sidewalk and Edward put his arm around me, pulling me closer to him. This protective air of intimacy he had going was a stark contrast to the snarky comments he had been throwing my way all night. Of course, I gave as good as I got, but for the first time I felt like we had relaxed with each other after my not-so-startling confession. Neither one of us was on the offensive or defensive anymore, and I was slightly relieved. Banter, while extremely enjoyable, was really tiring.

"What about the others?" the highly annoying, practical part of me asked, referring to Alice and Jasper, who had been our ride (but seemed too busy riding each other to notice our absence), and Emmett and Rose, who I hadn't really seen since I'd dragged Jake away to spill my guts about wrecking his car.

"I'm sure they'll find their way home without us," Edward consoled in his familiar condescending tone. It was a relief to still hear it - I was afraid that our macking session had killed his quick wit.

"And how are _we _supposed to find our way home?" I asked expectantly, stopping in the street to wait for an answer.

"We aren't very far from where my car is parked," he pointed out.

"You're making me walk _again_?" I whined. The constant walking and the extreme cold were getting really old, really fast.

"Need I remind you of whose idea it was to abandon the car in that parking garage?" he asked, challenging me with a quirk of his eyebrow, which I would've found infuriating mere hours before. Now, though... I couldn't lie. I thought it was kind of cute. I suspected that Bella from the past (being 2009) was throwing up in her mouth a little bit in response to the mental swooning.

"You really need to find some new material to guilt me with. This trip is getting sorta predictable, Eddie." I shook my head and reluctantly started walking again. We were outside in Seattle in the middle of an arctic January night, and it probably wasn't a great idea to stand still in the same place for too long, for fear of being frozen in place.

We walked at a thankfully brisk pace, which helped to warm me up. Edward's body heat may have also had something to do with that. I was relieved to see that the roads were starting to clear up and the traffic was moving again. We didn't really say much on our way back to the car, which was highly unusual for the two of us, who had been bickering non-stop since we had met, except for the brief windows when I was purposefully ignoring him. The silence gave my mind some time to mull over the oddity that had been New Year's Eve 2010, and what lay ahead for the rest of the evening. I didn't know what Edward had in mind. What I did know, was that I wasn't ready for it to end. I was still getting used to the fuzzy feeling that had replaced the initial irritation I had felt towards this strange übergeek, who had literally come crashing into my life.

The walk was shorter than I had anticipated, and I found myself taking a deep breath as Edward walked around to the driver's side of the Volvonator after attempting (and failing) to open the passenger door for me. I had never done well with anything remotely gentlemanly or ladylike.

Edward closed the door softly behind him and stared out in front of him for a moment before slowly turning to me. He seemed to be having some trouble with getting out what he wanted to say, so I instinctively blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "So, are you taking me home now?"

_Wow. That really didn't come out the way I meant it._I blushed furiously as Edward's eyes grew wide in surprise before his lips curled into an adorably nervous smile. _Okay, maybe I totally meant it that way._

"Uh... uh..." he sputtered, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

"I... didn't mean it... like that... I..." I stuttered, trying to cover up the epic fail that was this very moment in time.

"I actually had something else in mind," Edward said in a quiet voice, surprising me. "If you don't want to I can totally just drop you off at home... or any other neutral location you would feel more comfortable with." His crooked smile made my heart do a little jig in my chest.

"I figure you would've already been wearing my skin as a coat if you swung that way, so I guess one last stop won't hurt," I joked, giggling nervously. _Giggling? Really? This is a new low, Bella. _

Edward beamed at me, and for a moment looked like he was considering kissing me again, but to my utter disappointment, he turned back in his seat and started the car instead.

Loud happy-sounding music blared through the speakers, making me jump in my seat. Edward started fumbling with the iPod, and when I saw the words on the display, I understood why he was trying so desperately to get rid of the song.

_Now playing: Love Story - Taylor Swift_

I tried to keep from commenting, so I pressed my lips together tightly and settled for shaking with laughter instead. Edward's cheeks were flaming when he finally managed to get the track to skip.

"Alice," he mumbled, "she gets to my iPod sometimes."

"Sure," I said, nodding slowly, "Alice... totally."

He said nothing as he shifted the car into reverse. A new song started to play and I felt like I vaguely recognized the dramatic opening piano melody and string section. When the vocals started and I leaned over to confirm the artist, I couldn't help myself any more - I burst into a fit of giggles.

_Now playing: Soaked - Adam Lambert_

"Oh, come _on_," Edward complained, more to the iPod than to me, and started fumbling with it again.

"You know, it's okay to admit that you're into him, Edward," I said innocently. "I really wouldn't blame you. He's incredibly hot, and some girls like the whole boy on boy vibe." By some girls, I meant me, but that was a quirk I would share with him another time.

Edward glared at me, taking a deep breath while clenching his jaw. I suspected he was considering his words carefully as he continued reversing out of the parking space. "I do not apologize for this one. A good artist remains a good artist," he said diplomatically.

I turned away from him, grinning widely. I would tell him eventually that I had both those songs on my own iPod, but in the meantime, I enjoyed seeing him all clenched and defensive.

The gentle beat that had replaced the previous song was finally something Edward seemed satisfied with. Glancing to the screen again, I found myself smiling.

_Now playing: Lonesome Swan - Glasvegas_

"How appropriate," I mumbled to myself.

"Appropriate?" Edward asked, startling me with his freakish hearing ability.

"Uh... my last name is Swan," I said, realizing that it hadn't come up at all the entire evening. _Awkward._

"It suits you," was all he said in reply.

As we drove through the city and onto the Interstate, the playlist finally seemed to be settling into less embarrassing and more chilled out, romantic songs. If I didn't know any better, I would've guessed that this was a playlist called "Ten Songs To Woo The Pants Off Bella Swan" because damn, they were really working. I swooned a little bit more with every one that started to play.

"Where are we going?" I asked eventually, attempting to stop myself from falling into a permanent state of swoon.

"You always ask that, and I never tell you, and you always enjoy the surprise, don't you?"

It was slightly creepy that he already knew me so well after only a few hours. "Shut up and drive," I ordered sulkily.

He rewarded my petulance with a smirk.

Edward turned off the Interstate and navigated us through a variety of abandoned side streets in a part of the city I didn't recognize. I was starting to get a bit nervous - partially for fear of my own safety (since Edward was technically still a stranger to me) and partially because I was very anxious to find out where he was taking us. We rounded a corner and the sparkling water of the Seattle harbor came into view.

I was surprised to find the area so deserted tonight, of all nights, and even more surprised to see the dying embers of fireworks in the sky. The bright lights of the Seattle skyline twinkled happily before us, and when I peered to the side, I saw the Space Needle in the distance. It was really kind of magical. Edward did good on this one.

"How did you know about this?" I asked in quiet amazement as he parked in a darkened spot and cut the engine, but left the heat on and the music playing in the background.

"This old place? It's where I bring all my victims."

I whipped my head around to him, my eyes wide but the rest of my body frozen in horror. I relaxed slightly when he chuckled at my reaction.

"You're really adorable when you're terrified that I might be a serial killer," he said, smiling affectionately and reaching out to brush a strand of hair from my face.

"You're such a douche," I muttered, pouting sourly.

"And yet you haven't taken one opportunity to get away from me tonight," he observed, mocking me with his frown.

"I guess I'm a sucker for punishment," I replied, faking sweetness and adding a sarcastic smile for effect.

"Among other things." His eyes were doing that intense melty thing again and I felt a violent swarm of butterflies erupt in my abdomen.

I swallowed heavily and squeaked, "Like?"

"Like," Edward replied, pulling my furry hat from my head and brushing his fingers through my hair, "you have the quickest wit of anyone I've ever met."

"Astute observation, but you may just have low standards from not hanging out with people of my caliber of awesome often enough." I was trying to keep my voice steady, but it still quivered in places.

"Case in point." Edward wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me gently to him. I was lost again the instant our lips met. His tongue explored my mouth tentatively and his hands tangled in my hair.

"What else?" I whispered breathlessly between kisses, grabbing the front of his hoodie, desperate to have him closer to me.

"You hardly ever stop talking," he said, biting lightly at my bottom lip, "but I wouldn't have it any other way because I don't think there's anything sexier in this world than when your lips are moving."

_Oh. My. God._

I thought my eyes were going to roll back in my head from the hotness of his words. "Keep going," I urged, removing his glasses gently and putting them on the dashboard behind me, before unbuckling my seat belt and attempting to climb over the center console. This was one of the worst ideas I'd had all night, since I was still wearing my bulky biker boots, which were making it impossible for me to slide sexily onto his lap like I'd been intending to.

"Fuck," I muttered, trying to shove my boots from my feet while still engaging in our frankly mind blowing kiss. I felt his lips pull into a smile against mine and silently cursed my uncoordinatedness. It was really making it impossible for me to maintain the seductive atmosphere in the car. When I had finally kicked the boots off, I began to climb over to Edward's seat once more and finally managed to straddle his lap, but not before I had gotten my leggings stuck on the emergency brake, kicked Edward in an attempt to free them, and leaned back too far, causing his car's horn to honk loudly in the silent darkness.

His body was quaking with laughter beneath me, but his lips never left mine. When I had settled onto his lap properly, my knees braced on the seat on either side of him, I turned on my sexy voice again. "You were saying?" I prompted.

"There's just this one thing I've been wondering all night," he said, resting his hands on my thighs and trailing them slowly upwards.

"Mmm hmm?"

"What do you have on under this sparkly skirt?"

"Feel for yourself."

He guided his hands up towards my ass and drew a sharp breath when he realized that my pink leggings were lace-topped and held up by garters. His cool fingers tickled the bare skin of my upper thighs and left goosebumps in their wake as they found the delicate lace of my boyshorts. A maddening tingle had appeared between my legs. All I wanted to do was push myself down on him.

"Holy fuck," he growled, squeezing my ass.

"Not what you were expecting?" I asked innocently.

"Not even the dirtiest thoughts of my inner teenage boy could've come up with this."

I smiled in satisfaction and dragged my tongue across his bottom lip, fumbling with the side of the seat to find the lever I was looking for. I pulled up on the first one I found and yelped when the seat collapsed slightly backward. I was undeterred by the return of his laughter as I found a second lever which I pulled, causing us to slide back a couple of inches.

I pulled back from our sloppy kisses for a moment to allow Edward to push my coat from my shoulders to reveal my many layers of tank tops and t-shirts I had piled on to shield me from the cold. His eyes traveled lazily across my body as he pulled each of the four shirts over my head individually. When I was left in nothing other than my ill-chosen Hello Kitty bra on top, which made him grin fondly, he slid his hands up and down my sides, letting them explore my curves fully. I felt my cheeks flame under his scrutinizing gaze.

"You're beautiful," he said in a husky voice, pulling my lips down to his again and sinking his tongue into my mouth with a kind of restrained urgency. "I never want to stop touching you. Your skin feels fucking amazing."

I was thoroughly surprised that sarcastic, awkward Edward would be showering me with these kinds of borderline dirty compliments. I wasn't complaining, though. I was feeling the effect of his words very distinctly in my nether regions.

Feeling slightly at a disadvantage by being partially naked while Edward was still fully clothed, I tugged down on the zip of his hoodie and helped him to struggle free, before breaking our kiss for a moment to pull his environmentalist t-shirt over his head. I spent a highly selfish moment appreciating his surprisingly well-defined upper body. He may have looked skinny on the outside, but his body had the perfect amount of lean muscle. I lightly dragged my fingernails down his chest and watched his eyes flutter closed in obvious pleasure.

When he opened his eyes again, I found something new in them. It was like staring into the vibrant green flames of a floo. His hands searched up my bare back and found the clasp of my bra. After he had struggled for a while, I got impatient and reached behind me to yank it open myself. He rolled his eyes at my typically impetuous behavior and slowly removed my bra to expose my perked nipples to him. He cupped both breasts in his hands, squeezing gently and locking his eyes on mine before bringing his mouth to my left nipple and sucking it tenderly into his mouth. I groaned as he worked my other breast with his hand, digging my hands into his hair to pull him closer to me. He grunted as his searching fingers traveled between my legs and pushed my underwear to the side. The brush of his fingers over my throbbing girl parts shot tingles up my spine.

He sucked slightly harder on my nipple as he dragged his finger through the wetness that had already gathered between my thighs. My legs wobbled dangerously as I attempted to contain my quivering (yes, I was fucking _quivering_ beneath his touch). I gasped as he slipped a long finger inside me, biting down lightly on my nipple to intensify the sensation.

"Fuck, you're wet," he mumbled, turning his attention to my other breast while cupping my ass with his other hand. He pumped experimentally in and out of me a few times before adding a second finger. The slight stretch and the ease with which his fingers were moving inside me aroused me even more. I rolled my hips, thrusting forward onto him, wanting more. He answered the urgency of my body by firmly circling my clit with his thumb. I squeaked as he started to thumb my clit in time with the thrusts of his fingers inside me. He circled my nipple with his tongue as he curled his fingers inward, causing my hips to jerk violently in response. I rocked myself back and forth on his fingers, feeling my climax sneak up on me with every pulse of his fingers.

"Stop," I moaned, and he paused immediately, looking up at me questioningly. "I want... you," I whispered, locking my eyes on his pointedly.

"Yeah?" he asked hesitantly, slipping his fingers out of me.

I nodded, blinking slowly and biting my lip. I felt like a total sex kitten, perched topless on his lap and smiling coyly at him, and I liked it.

He put his left hand on the small of my back as he leaned over to the right to pop the glove box. He dug around briefly before producing a condom packet proudly.

"Such a responsible boy. Your mother should be proud," I cooed condescendingly, kissing the tip of his nose.

"Not exactly the best time to be mentioning my mother," he groaned awkwardly and handed me the packet.

My stomach was doing flip flops and my heart was beating wildly in my chest. I hadn't had this kind of fluttery excitement since the night I had lost my virginity at a comparatively advanced age a few years ago. I desperately hoped that this experience wouldn't be similar to my first one in any other ways.

I leaned back, careful not to press against the steering wheel again, and gave him some room to unzip his pants. I was slightly sad to see his deliciously tight skinny jeans go, but as he wiggled them down his thighs to reveal his grey boxer briefs and straining erection, my fleeting sadness disappeared. I impulsively reached out to touch him through the fabric of his shorts, curling my fingers around the hard length of him and giving him a gentle squeeze. I smiled in satisfaction as he pushed his hips up into my touch. He was as ready as I was.

I hooked my fingers into the sides of his underwear and he lifted his ass so I could pull it down. I grinned when his perfectly sized dick sprang free. I was relieved that he wasn't intimidatingly big. Nothing killed the mood faster than a scary cock.

"You know, I never slut it up on the first date," I said, tearing the condom packet open and busying myself with rolling it on his dick, "much less on a non-date with a guy who rear-ended me earlier in the evening."

"I could rear-end you later in the evening if you'd like, too," he shot back with a wicked grin.

"I wouldn't make vulgar jokes at the expense of the girl who's in charge of the latex on your dick, if I were you," I warned calmly.

"You're insanely hot when you're threatening my manhood." There was a hint of humor in his voice but the unyielding way he was looking at me told me that he wasn't joking.

"You're ridiculous." I leaned forward to kiss him teasingly again.

"I hope you don't think you're slutting it up right now," he said softly as he cupped my face in his hand, seriousness creeping into his tone. "I... I kinda think there's something here."

"There's definitely _some_thing here," I joked, looking down at his painfully hard dick between us.

"Seriously," he whispered, trapping me in the floo again.

"Seriously? Right now I can't imagine anyone I'd rather be naked in a Volvo with," I said tenderly, brushing over his bottom lip with my thumb.

"I'll take it," he replied, biting down playfully on my thumb before sliding his hands up my thighs to my bare ass again. The proximity of his fingers to my excited girl parts made me wet again instantly. I fought for a moment to free myself from my underwear, before I raised myself up until my newfound dripping porno pussy was hovering over him, and took his dick in my hand to position him. He squeezed my ass eagerly, urging me on with his wanting eyes and parted lips. His eyes rolled back in his head as I sank down onto him, gliding over him easily. When I had taken all of him in, I paused, trying to calm the crazy fluttering in my stomach and the intense, stretching tingle that was spreading down my thighs. I wasn't expecting to be so entirely overwhelmed by having him inside me, and I was sure I was going to lose it if I started moving. Being adventurous by nature, I ignored my rational thoughts and raised myself back onto my trembling legs, thankful that Edward's hands were cupped around my ass, supporting me.

My breathing became uneven as I lowered myself back down, finding a rhythm as Edward guided me with his hands, lifting his hips to meet my thrusts. I braced my hands against his firm chest as I arched my back, allowing me to take him deeper. The groan that escaped his mouth in response was one of the sexiest things I'd ever heard, sending a new rush of moisture southward. The new angle was hitting the right spot for me, too, so I intensified my pace, grinding down on him more vigorously.

With another startling growl-like moan, he wrapped his arms around my back and shifted me so my feet were braced against the back of the seat, giving me more leverage and opening me up wider. I wrapped my arms around his neck, steadying myself, and when he lifted his hips to thrust into me for the first time in our new position, I squeaked at the intense surge that pulsed through me. It was a-fucking-mazing. I rolled my hips, grinding down on him again, wanting him deeper but not getting enough.

Our lips somehow met amidst our frantic thrusting, and he sank his tongue into my mouth, bumping his teeth against mine, but I didn't care. I just wanted every possible part of him in me and against me. Our sweaty bodies slid over one another and our fingers scratched and fumbled desperately.

It was a beautiful mess.

Edward's thrusts started to become jerky and I realized he was getting close. I had never experienced that "coming at the same time" business that everyone in erotic cinema and literature miraculously seemed to be able to achieve, but I knew that I was getting close too and guided Edward's hand to my clit in an attempt to make it happen. He thumbed my clit clumsily, intermittently hitting the right spot. I was teetering on the edge but not quite getting there, so I grabbed his hand and placed my thumb directly over his, showing him how I wanted it.

His whole body started to stiffen and jerk, and he groaned into my mouth as he started to come. I rubbed his thumb vigorously over my clit, tilting my hips to intensify the pleasure. As Edward's body and grip relaxed, I finally felt my orgasm overtake me, causing me to seize in place. My moans came out in quick gasps as I rode it out, stilling Edward's hand over me.

When my last spasm had pulsed through me, I lifted myself from Edward and folded my legs back under me on either side of him, finally opening my eyes again. His head was leaned back and his eyes were closed, a look of complete contentment in his face. His lips were red and swollen, so I opted for a gentle kiss as I dragged my fingers through his crazy mess of hair one last time.

"I've never started my shag counter this early in the year," he said lazily, still keeping his eyes closed.

"That makes one of us," I joked and he smacked my ass.

His eyes met mine as we grinned at each other, and I felt a wave of affection for him wash over me.

"Happy New Year, Bella Swan," Edward whispered, kissing me sweetly.

"Happy New Year, Edward Cullen," I replied, thinking that, if this was the way 2010 had begun, it would be a very happy year indeed.


	9. Outtake: When Emmett Met Rosalie

**A/N:** This is a little outtake I wrote for my wonderful friend and occasional co-author **juliebutterfly **for her birthday. She has made no secret of her love for Emmett and she always inspires me to explore him as a character.

Many people have asked about how Emmett and Rosalie found each other, and this is just a little glimpse into their fated meeting.

Thanks to **Chele681** for helping me out of the corner I managed to write myself into.

**All copyright****ed**** and trademarked items mentioned herein ****are the property of**** their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

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**

**When Emmett Met Rosalie**

**Monday, 1 September 2008**

I heard my rational mind do a sarcastic slow-clap as I examined my bank balance that was flashing on the ATM screen.

_$8.37_

_Well played, skunkfucker, _I congratulated myself. _Masterful work. Few others could've screwed it up so royally. You really outdid yourself this time._

With an angry growl I grabbed the waste paper basket to the side of the ATM machine, ripped it from the wall, Hulk-style, and threw it dramatically down the sidewalk. I instantly felt guilty when I turned and saw the little old lady in line behind me backing away slowly, a look of pure terror in her eyes.

"I'm sorry ma'am," I said apologetically, jogging down the sidewalk and ducking down to pick up the discarded paper that lay strewn everywhere, thanks to my moment of inappropriate public rage. "Bad day," I explained. I shoved the paper back in the basket and attempted to mount it back on the wall, but it was a futile process. I awkwardly put it down on the ground and decided to make a run for it, but the lady stopped me by gently reaching out for my arm when I passed.

"It's not much, but it's a start," she said in a sweet, grandmotherly voice, discreetly pushing a five dollar bill into my palm.

"I... I can't," I stammered, feeling my cheeks flame in embarrassment.

"We've all been there, deary." She patted my shoulder and wandered off in the opposite direction as I stood there, dazed and clutching the bill that had moved my liquid assets into the double digits.

How the flying fuck had I gotten myself into this situation? Oh, that's right, spending an entire semester's rent and food money on a collectible exact replica Iron Man costume with fully functioning light and sound effects could do that to a person.

Why don't I just return it or sell it to some other sucker, you may ask?

Firstly, it was _fucking awesomesauce_, and secondly... well... let's just say plastic moulding and tumble dryers don't mix.

No way I could tell my dad about this. I had promised I would have a more responsible senior year at college after similarly tragically idiotic incidents in my previous three years at college.

The Freshman Fire of 2005 (self-explanatory).

The Sophomore Slump of 2006 (in which I accidentally married my cousin Kate in a drunken weekend in Vegas).

The Junior Jerk-Off of 2007 (you don't wanna know).

And now, the Senior Shit Storm of 2008.

I was seriously fucked. Like, I couldn't be more fucked if I walked naked into my friend Irina's favorite club and bent over on purpose.

I thought more about the dire straits that I had landed myself in as I walked back to the apartment I shared with my younger brother Edward and our best friend Jasper, and came to the conclusion that this was all my father's fault.

He had known me for twenty one years, which meant he should've known better than to give me that amount of money all at once and expect it to outlast the first week of the new school year. I may have been a borderline genius at physics, but when it came to the rest of my life, I could act like a borderline retard sometimes.

When I arrived back at home I had managed to calm myself down to a point where I could think rationally again. Surely my dad hadn't given me _all_ the money. He must have given Ed some of it, and we would have enough to last us a couple of months until I could come up with some way of earning it back. I wondered what kidneys went for on the black market these days. I only needed one of mine, right?

"What's up, broseph?" Ed called out when I stepped inside.

"Living the dream, brojo," I replied and dove onto the couch next to him. I grabbed a hand full of dry sugar-coated cereal from the bowl on his lap and grinned when I realized he was watching _Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends_. I loved that shit.

"Listen, dude, the super was up here earlier," Edward said, not taking his eyes off the screen. "He said if we could give him next month's rent money up front he'd fix that busted lock on your bedroom door next week."

_Way to cut to the chase, universe, _I thought to myself, rolling my eyes angrily at the sky.

"Would you mind getting it this month?" I asked, attempting to sound nonchalant through a mouthful of Lucky Charms.

"What are you talking about? You're in charge of the rent," Ed replied through his own crunchy bites.

"Oh." I was struggling to suppress my dread at the thought of where this conversation was going. "I just thought dad gave you some of it, ya know, since you're a junior now and all." The sarcastic slow-clap was back again. I sucked donkey balls at covering up my messes.

"Emm, did something happen to our rent money?" There it was. Edward's judgey face. The only thing I hated more than his judgey face was his whiney face when he beat me at video games.

"No, everything's _fine_," I brushed his question off quickly. "I just thought dad had mentioned something like that over the summer."

His eyes remained narrowed for another couple of moments while he assessed the validity of my claim. Eventually he shrugged his shoulders lightly and turned back to the cartoon on the TV screen.

Well, this was great. Now the option of telling Ed was also out the window. _Stupid pride. _

As we sat in companionable silence watching random shows and eating all the cereal in the house, I tried to think what people did to make money fast.

I reconsidered the organ trafficking option but realized that I probably drank too much to get a good deal on my kidney. I could take on some extra tutoring but even if I had the time to tutor the entire freshman class, I probably still wouldn't be able to make rent by the end of the month.

Since this seemed like the right kind of situation for making a list, I excused myself to my room and got the trusty old yellow legal pad out.

After half an hour I had come up with the following:

1. Invent real life Iron Man suit and sell for massive amount of money

Probably better not to go there since an Iron Man suit got me into this shit in the first place.

2. Prove string theory, win Nobel prize, write book and sell for massive amount of money.

Sure, I was top of my junior physics class, but that wasn't happening any time soon.

3. Enter poker tournament in Vegas and win massive amount of money.

It wasn't official, but I was pretty sure I wasn't allowed by law to cross state lines into Vegas ever again.

4. Find leprechaun, mug him for pot of gold and exchange for massive amount of money.

This was getting ridiculous, so I finally came up with three feasible ways to make lots of money fast.

4. Phone sex operator

5. Male stripper

6. Loan shark

I decided to put them in that order since I wanted to avoid debt as far as possible. I obviously wasn't good with money, so having to owe someone wasn't the wisest idea.

Rather than put my search for money off for any longer than necessary, I decided to do some creative googling. I went straight for the prize by typing in "vacancy male phone sex operator" and was impressed to find that my search had delivered 19,200 results. I clicked on the first link which surprisingly enough took me to eHow dot com and told me in three easy steps how to find a job as a phone sex operator. I clicked back to the main results page and found some legitimate job websites in the "adult entertainment" industry and registered myself on xxxjobbank dot com. I figured I could kill number four and five on my list all in one go. I was unsettled by the fact that they required a picture of me, but I was desperate enough to cave and post a picture that had been taken over the summer. I figured shirtless was the way to go, given the purpose of the application.

I clicked "submit" and sat back, equally hopeful and terrified that I would get a response.

**Two Days Later**

I paced around my bedroom, still shocked at how quickly they could recruit and train a phone sex operator. I had gotten a phone call within a couple of hours of submitting my application and had spent the following day reading through the most surprisingly detailed guide to dirty talk I could ever have imagined. After studying it thoroughly and passing the online test with flying colors, I had been assigned a fake name (Rusty) and was awaiting my first call nervously.

I nearly found myself clinging to the ceiling when the phone the company had couriered to me earlier that day started buzzing on my bed.

_Here goes nothing._

"Rusty here, how may I service you tonight?" I answered in a husky voice and affected Southern drawl. The training manual said that people responded well to accents.

"Well, howdy, Rusty. How are y'all doing tonight?" an equally deep and husky voice answered from the other end of the line.

"Motherfucker!" I exclaimed, sinking down on my bed and covering my eyes.

"Excuse me?" the dude asked incredulously.

"They didn't tell me dudes would be calling me!" I groaned, feeling the urge to gag.

"Well, honey, I'm sorry to disappoint, but I'm sure we could make it work. You sound like a lovely boy."

I shivered, thinking about some old guy getting off on the the sound of my voice.

"I'm really sorry, I just can't. I won't waste any more of your money. Bye." I pressed the little red telephone and switched the phone off.

Maybe I wasn't that desperate yet.

**That Weekend**

"You're sure you gave me the right address?" I asked the lady on the other end of the line.

"Yes, Emmett, you're definitely at the right house," she replied, sounding exasperated.

"And you're sure there are only chicks?"

"Yes, I made sure. Twice, since you were so insistent," she deadpanned. "Make sure you don't get the costume dirty and return it to the address I e-mailed you yesterday. I'm expecting it back by midnight."

"Sure, see ya later," I almost squeaked, my nervousness getting the better of me.

"Good luck, big boy," she laughed before hanging up.

I took a deep breath and left my car, putting my hat on to complete my outfit. I walked determinedly up the darkened path to the front door of the benign-looking house while trying to calm my frantic nerves. I rang the doorbell and my ears were assaulted with a round of hysterical giggles.

"Who is it?" a voice sing-songed from the other side of the door.

"Did someone report a _fire_?" I asked, dramatically. More giggles.

The door flew open and a hand grabbed me inside. "There's a fire alright," the obviously drunk blonde who had pulled me inside squealed. "In her _pants_!" She pointed excitedly to an equally drunk red head whose face was covered in glitter, a pink veil hanging crookedly from her hair.

I noticed the room was filled to the brim with squealing, giggling, _hammered _twentysomethings who all seemed thrilled to have me there. Maybe I could get used to this?

I put my backpack down in the corner and pulled my portable iPod docking station out. I set the _Thrusting Grooves_ playlist that I had compiled the night before to play and turned back to the group of girls who seemed to be bouncing in anticipation.

The opening riffs of _Sex on Fire _started to play and I started to sway my hips to the beat, unbuttoning the front of my yellow vinyl fireman's jacket and letting it drop to the floor. The room responded to my naked torso with a chorus of howls and whistles. I was very grateful that I had had enough foresight to drink a couple of shots of Jack before coming here, or else I fear my hips would've been less obedient.

"You know the best way to put out a fire, darlin'?" I asked, taking a few seductive steps towards the bride-to-be who was sitting on a chair in the middle of the circle of girls. She shook her head vigorously while biting her lip like a little girl. "A big hose!" I ripped my velcro-edged pants off in one swift motion and tossed them dramatically to the side.

I hadn't thought it possible, but the noise level in the room doubled as I thrust my hips forward to the beat of the music. The cheers and squeals fueled my bravery, and I reached out and took the giggling girl's hands to place them on my ass, which was covered in pure white cotton boxer briefs.

I was really starting to get into it when I felt another pair of hands on my back... and thighs... and in my hair...

_Mother. Fuck._

**An hour later**

"Who's there?" The female voice sounded metallic through the busted speaker of the buzzer.

"It's Emmett," I said uncertainly. "I'm returning the costume?"

"So soon?" came the surprised reply.

"Just let me up so I can tell you the story," I grumbled.

I heard her muttering curses as the buzzer sounded and the gate swung open. I dragged myself up the stairs to the third floor apartment, still not knowing how I was going to explain my ripped-to-shreds costume to the "talent coordinator" of the stripping agency.

When I reached number 37B I knocked lightly and waited, staring down at the desecrated yellow vinyl ruefully.

The door swung open and I found myself looking upon the most perfectly beautiful set of neon pink painted toenails that I had seen in my entire life. The toes were attached to feet which were nestled in a pair of leopard-print fuck-me heels and shapely bare legs that seemed to go on into an eternity that ended in a pair of black satin shorts. I felt my fireman's hose join the party when I reached the expanse of flat stomach that led to ... oh, sweet Jesus. A red and white strappy tank barely covered a pair of breasts that seemed to be moulded from pieces of heaven. When I saw her face it was the end of me.

You know in old cartoons when one of the male character sees a hot chick and his eyes pop out of his head and his heart pounds out of his chest and a chimney grows out the side of his neck and whistles and blows steam and goes totally nuts?

That was me. Right now.

Plus a choir of angels singing in my ears and a dozen or so puffy pink hearts drifting around my head.

"What the hell happened to your eye?" she asked, her bright blue eyes growing wide in horror and her gorgeous red-lipsticked mouth pulling into a concerned pout. I realized that the angel choir was the sound of her voice.

I opened my mouth to speak but only a gargling sound came out.

"Come inside, let me get a bag of peas out of the freezer." She walked hurriedly into the apartment and gave me a heart-stopping view from behind. I managed to drift along behind her.

She ducked down to rummage for something in the bottom drawer of her freezer and I was grateful that I had the costume to cover my... uh... front area. When she turned back to me I thought that I might lose it right there in my pants. The freezer had done wonders for her... uh... front area.

"Did you get mugged on the way back or something?" she asked worriedly, pressing the bag of frozen peas to my eye with one hand and cupping my cheek softly with the other.

"Girls..." I managed to wheeze, "attacked..."

She snorted the most enchanting little snort and started to shake with laughter. "The _girls_ at the _bachelorette _party did this to you when you _took off your clothes_?"

I nodded slightly, not wanting to dislodge the peas or her hand from my face. Something in the back of my mind told me that I probably shouldn't be confessing this to the future mother of my children, but the overwhelmingly loud inner voice in the forefront of my mind couldn't seem to care.

"You must have put on quite a show," she giggled, wiping a sparkling tear from her cheek.

"I guess so," I responded softly, beaming back at her.

"Emmett, right?" she asked, tilting her head to look at me thoughtfully.

I nodded again, unable to keep myself from smiling like a crazy fool.

"I'm Rosalie," she said, lifting the bag of peas gingerly from my eye to inspect the damage the bride-to-be's elbow had inflicted on me in The Attack.

"Rosalie," I sighed dreamily. "I love you."

Her melodic laughter filled the room again and I didn't for one moment regret professing my undying love within minutes of meeting this angel who was sent from heaven to nurse me back to health with peas and giggles.

"They musta done quite a number on you," she said, her eyebrows knitting together in a little frown.

"Marry me?" I asked impulsively, ignoring her brush-off and resting my hand over hers that was holding the frozen peas in place. Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to take this girl and make her mine forever.

"Whoa there, boy. I've had enough proposals to know that you don't accept from anyone who has been recently beaten up or passed out drunk," she joked, winking at me.

I lowered both our hands away from my face and leaned forward to touch my lips to Rosalie's with all the passion and conviction that I could muster, showing her that I wasn't kidding. The angel choir started dancing and jumping and going crazy all around me, but abruptly stopped when Rosalie's lips left mine and her fist connected with the injured half of my face.

I groaned in agony and doubled over, clutching my cheek. I guess I had been asking for it.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I defended quickly when I caught her out of the corner of my eye, warming up for another swing. "I know I shouldn't have done that. I just couldn't help it. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

She stood eyeing me warily for a moment. "I have a built in asshole defense," she explained with a slight shrug.

"I know I acted like one, but I'm not an asshole." I shot her my very best sad panda expression in hopes of melting her heart.

She resisted for a moment but then I noticed her features soften. Score another one for the sad panda.

"I can tell," she said softly, scooping up the bag of peas that had landed on the floor and leading me back to the couch. "What's a sweet-looking boy like you doing stripping anyway?" she asked as she sat down next to me, her knee lightly touching mine.

"It's a long story," I replied with a heavy sigh.

"I got time."

With those simple words I already knew, although she might not be all mine yet, she would be my Rosalie soon enough.

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**A/N: **I know, I know, the mystery of exactly how Emmett became El Principé Rana remains unsolved, but all shall be revealed... one day ;)


	10. Outtake: Countdown Kerfuffle V2: EPOV

**A/N:** This outtake was purchased by Team MVF during the Fandom Gives Back charity auction. You can thank them by reading some of the awesome stuff they have over on the My Vamp Fiction archive.

This is Edward's POV of the last chapter of the story. I hope you'll enjoy a little glimpse into his slightly neurotic mind.

Thanks to **juliebutterfly, Chele681 and Sweet Dulcinea** for pre-reading. This isn't betaed, so I apologize in advance for any typos etc.

**All copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein are the property of their respective owners. The remaining content is all mine. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

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**

**Edward POV**

I stood in the corner of the cramped elevator that was taking us to our final New Year's Eve destination, while covertly (or so I thought) staring at Bella's reflection in the mirrored panels.

The wavy, dark hair that was visible from beneath her furry black hat rested softly on her shoulders. Her full lips were the most enthralling shade of pink that I had ever seen on a girl who wasn't wearing any lip gloss. She was nearly inhumanly pale and her porcelain skin was almost irresistible to touch. Her eyes were melted chocolate. Her cheeks were rose petals. And I had obviously turned into Lord fucking Byron.

The weirdest thing about this whole epic weirdfest of a night (and there were many obvious things to choose from), had to be the fact that I wasn't completely repelled by Bella. I had seen her probably a dozen times in my Great Female Writers of the Twentieth Century class, and never once felt anything but annoyance towards her. I usually found her too opinionated and vocal during lectures. Not that I had anything against opinionated women, but Bella could be a little scary when she got passionate about something. After knowing her for a couple of hours I actually thought that I might look more kindly upon her fierce monologues if I could see the fire burning in her eyes from up close.

Yes, after only a few short hours she had me completely enraptured. With every challenge, comeback and thinly veiled insult, I found myself begrudgingly liking her a little bit more. She was definitely a handful, but I had never been so intrigued by a female. Whoever said brains aren't sexy?

I continued to examine Bella's features as we ascended to the top floor and noticed that she seemed to be squirming a little. Whatever color she had in her face was gone and I could tell she was furiously gnawing on the inside of her cheek.

With a sudden pang of fear I started to wonder whether the reality of our situation was catching up with her. We were, after all, practically strangers and she was all alone and at my mercy. I knew I should've broken Emmett and Rose apart in the car. Their extreme PDA must have had her thinking that my family and I were a bunch of deviants.

_And now you're sounding like a girl_, my annoying inner monologue piped in. _Scratch that, you __are__ a girl._ My inner monologue tended to be a bit mean.

Ignoring the bullying masculinity within me, I turned my head slightly and murmured, "Bella, are you okay?" I gave her arm a gentle squeeze despite my fears and doubts. "You don't look so good."

"Elevators," she croaked out. "Not a fan." A likely story, considering the terrified little squeak she had given in the parking garage, but I still wasn't convinced.

Before I could give the situation another thought, the elevator chimed, signaling our arrival at the top floor. The others started to file out, and I noticed that Bella was hesitating at the entrance, confirming my earlier suspicions that she was about to make a run for it. Thankfully my over-eager little sister grabbed Bella's arm and tugged her into the crowded and stylish apartment.

"Nice place, huh?" Alice asked brightly, looking imploringly at Bella.

Although Bella responded with a weak smile and a nod, I could tell she didn't share the sentiments. She looked like she was about to puke all over the shiny tiled floors. "So, you're friends with the owner?" Bella asked, her voice quivering slightly.

This was not good. This girl was obviously about to flee from my existence and I was sure that I would die if I couldn't have her.

_Dramatic much?_

"Yes, we go way back. Oh, there he is now!" Alice waved to someone, who I assumed was her friend James, and gestured him to us.

I hadn't thought it possible, but Bella went even more pale. She didn't turn around to face our host when he spoke.

"Alice, darling, I'm so glad you could make it." James was not exactly what I had expected when Alice had spoken about her "friend James" from her short-lived stint in Art School. Trust Alice to make friends with an older, golden-haired, barefooted, obviously sculpted Adonis. I imagined him as one of their nude models and suppressed a tiny shudder.

"And I brought friends," Alice announced, turning Bella around to face James. "This is Bella. Bella, this is James, our host for the rest of the evening."

It was only a split second, but it was enough. The strange flash in James' eyes and the blatant fear in Bella's told me that no introductions were necessary with these two.

"Aren't you a sore sight for sore eyes?" James sneered, reaffirming my sickening suspicion. He paused for a long moment, examining Bella like he was about to pounce or do something similarly violent. "Bella and I are actually _very_ well acquainted."

My heart and stomach seemed to drop into my shoes. Bella's face looked as horrified as I was sure mine was at that exact moment.

The question was tumbling from my mouth before I could even contemplate whether I wanted to know the answer or not. "How do you two know each other?"

I looked expectantly between the two of them, although I had mentally answered the question for myself before either of them could.

_This must be one of Bella's famous assholes._

"We have mutual acquaintances," Bella answered quickly, her gaze shifting pointedly to James.

Not exactly the answer I was anticipating, but the look that passed between them was far more telling than Bella's verbal response.

"I have never known you to be one of so few words, Bella dear," James commented with a strange lilt in his voice. I didn't know the dude well enough to be sure, but his tone was almost threatening. The caveman within me started to growl. It did not approve of this challenge upon its woman.

"Small world, isn't it?" I had intended it to sound at least partially intimidating, but it came out more suspicious than dangerous. Obviously I had been hiding my inner caveman a little too deep to be at all effective in real world situations.

"The smallest," Bella replied quickly, grabbing onto my arm and tugging me away with a surprising amount of force. "I don't know about you, but I could really use a drink. Edward, won't you step out of character for a moment to be a gentleman and get me one?"

I should have been used to Bella's constant insults, but they still managed to cut me in a kind of S&M way that I was starting to like a little too much. I opened my mouth to vocalize my outraged protest, but she smiled this genuine, dazzling, utterly surprising smile that derailed me long enough to be carried off into the crowd with Emmett and Jasper following in tow.

"Dude, I understand that the two of us are whipped," Emmett said, gesturing to Jasper as we made our way toward the ultra-modern bar that had been set up on the far end of the room, "but what's _your_ excuse?"

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. "They're called _manners_," I emphasized with a pointed look at the two of them. "You should learn some."

"What are these so-called 'manners'?" Jasper chimed in, curling his fingers into air quotes, his tone laced with faux suspicion. "And since when are you in possession of any?"

"Shut the fuck up," I mumbled, falling into line at the bar behind a few fellow partygoers.

"Dude, 'shut the fuck up' is like 'I know you are but what am I' for grown ups," Emmett declared, shaking his head disapprovingly.

"Or the 'you're rubber and I'm glue' of the comebackless," Jasper quipped with exaggerated pity in his expression.

"Why do I ever let the two of you in a room together? You're like Fred and George on crack." It slipped out before I could stop it.

Yes, I was a Harry Potter fan. And no way was I going to give Bella the satisfaction of knowing it.

"Seriously, dude. You need to stop with the Harry Potter references or I'm going to go all Voldemort on your ass," Emmett warned, tapping an imaginary wand against his palm.

"Indeed," Jasper added, folding his arms menacingly over his chest. "The lame misuse of Harry Potter characters in idle conversation is a crime punishable by a life sentence in Azkaban."

"Dementors prey on that kind of pathetic commentary," Emmett concluded matter-of-factly.

"Obviously the hypocrisy of this entire conversation is lost on the both of you," I deadpanned.

They stood shaking, barely containing their gleeful giggling at my badly disguised irritation. I decided to deflect the conversation with alcohol.

"Champagne for the ladies?" I grabbed a couple of already-filled glasses from the bar and stuffed them into Jasper and Emmett's hands, followed by a beer each.

"Hell yes." Jasper smiled, eyeing the champagne like it was some kind of magical potion. "This stuff is like jet fuel for Alice's libido."

"Dude!" Emmett and I cried out at once. "I thought we've been over this," Emmett added. "You don't mention doing the nasty with our sister and we don't string you up by the balls."

Jasper rolled his eyes but didn't say anything further. Sure, we were bros, but Emmett's palm was the size of a human head and Jasper knew there was always the distinct possibility of being crushed like a bug, so he desisted with the gross factor.

"Excuse me, sir," came a voice from behind us. We turned and saw two tall, skinny and tanned guys staring at Emmett like they were about to erupt into a swooning fit. "You're not... who we think you are... are you?" the slightly shorter of the two asked, his hand absentmindedly stroking Emmett's bicep like he was trying to figure out if it was real or not.

Emmett raised his eyebrow apprehensively and shot a withering look at the spot the where the guy's hand was resting. He bravely persisted with the stroking.

The second of the two grabbed his friend's wrist and smiled apologetically. "What my colleague meant to ask was, are you El Principé Rana? We are _huge_ fans." His eyes shone with sweet excitement that, unfortunately, did little to lessen the creep factor.

Lucky for these two, Emmett ran on compliments and tacos, and he perked up instantly at their recognition.

"Why yes," he replied, his voice lowering and his eyebrow rising to suave superhero-level, "yes, I am."

I was surprised when the two guys didn't start an actual squealing episode. Instead, they introduced themselves as Embry and Jared, and launched into a very involved run-down of the season's matches and statistics, commenting on Emmett's technique and apparent attention to detail.

I zoned out and found myself searching for Bella from across the room. I scanned the crowd for a moment and caught a glimpse of her furry hat in a darkened corner. She was talking to James, their heads bowed together, their bodies close. Too close. The caveman beat his chest. I was continually finding less reason to silence him.

I was momentarily distracted by Jasper slipping into my view. He headed toward Alice, who appeared to be making awkward conversation with Rose. He handed Alice the glass of champagne and rested his hand on her ass as she took a sip. He whispered something in her ear and I shuddered as my mind attempted to imagine the atrocities he was no doubt proposing to her. She giggled and grabbed his hand. I swear there was a dust cloud, they disappeared so fast.

Emmett was still chattering excitedly with his newly formed fan club, but I could tell that Rose was getting really impatient, really fast. She liked to be taken care of, and leaving her unattended at a strange party was bound to have catastrophic consequences for Emmett in particular.

"Dude." I nudged Emmett with my shoulder to get his attention. "You should probably get that drink to Rose. It looks like she's gonna blow any second now." I nudged him with a little more force when he didn't acknowledge my suggestion.

Of course, I was only looking out for Emmett. Couldn't have Rose annoyed at him, now could we? This had nothing to do with the fact that there was now a huge dude draped over Bella. Absolutely nothing to do with the caveman who now appeared to be beating against _my _chest.

"Okay, okay," Emmett finally conceded when I gave him a swift kick to the shin. "Geez, I didn't know you were this fearful of Rosie's wrath."

"Terrified," I mumbled as we made our way to Rose, who coincidentally did appear to be on the verge of a tantrum.

I, however, could barely keep my eyes off Bella, who was looking up at the monster of a guy beside her with what I could only assume was adoration. I tried to make my feet move to follow Emmett and his groupies in Bella's direction, but my mind-body link seemed to be malfunctioning severely.

I was surprised when Rosalie, of all people, tugged on my sleeve. "Don't want to keep your girl waiting, do ya, Eddie?"

Those were a lot more words than Rose ever spoke to me in succession, moving this evening into the undisputed position of weirdest night of my life. I swallowed heavily and finally found myself moving forward.

As I approached the group of people, I heard Bella's voice exclaiming, "Yes, I had it with a side of 'shut the fuck up or I'll kick you in the Cracker Jacks,' Janet."

Awesome, even her threats weren't exclusive to me. How special I felt.

Her eyes met mine and I held the glass out to her. "I wasn't sure what you wanted, so I got you pre-emptive midnight champagne," I said, finding my feet wanting to go closer and run away simultaneously, and ending up shuffling like a drunken penguin. My hopes that Bella hadn't noticed were dashed when she smiled a pitying smile and shook her head slightly.

I took a swig of my beer and stuck my free hand into the pocket of my jeans for fear of punching my stupid self in the face as punishment for my constant behavioral dysfunction.

"This boy has Bella written all over him," an unfamiliar voice announced suddenly. Bella's cheeks were set alight in response to the comment. I hadn't realized that she was that embarrassed to be seen with me.

"This is the knight in shining Volvo who saved a poor, abandoned girl on New Year's Eve. Edward, this is Jacob, the bane of my existence." She rolled her eyes and gestured vaguely between the two of us.

Realization slowly began to dawn on me as I gave the guy a proper once over. His skin was caramel brown and his dark hair did that shaggy thing that girls always went crazy over. It pained me to admit that his grin was quite spectacular. "Wait, is this Jake? Your best friend, Jake?" If this was the caliber of dude she kept around, I was severely screwed.

Bella's eyes flashed with warning. I realized that the whole car accident thing may not have come up yet and felt a little bad for opening the door on the topic.

"Is this the one-" Emmett began, ever incapable of passing up an opportunity to stir up some kind of trouble.

Bella let out a loud, maniacal kind of laugh that stopped the conversation in its tracks. Her expression had taken on a wild quality and her fist was clenched around the stem of her champagne glass like she was about to crush it. "Ummmm, Jake, could I speak to you alone for a moment?" she asked, shooting me and Emmett a look that could have caused our blood to freeze in our veins.

"If you're trying to hit me up for some more of that meth you seem to be using, you're out of luck, Belly Welly." Jake's eyes were wide and an expression of obvious enjoyment was dancing over his face.

"Are you coming or not, assface?" she demanded.

Jake obviously knew better than to resist her any longer and stepped away from beside James to follow a huffing Bella down a short hallway.

"Awkward," Emmett sing-songed, breaking the tense silence.

"What was that all about?" James asked suspiciously, his brow heavy with concern.

"Bells is probably finally ready to profess her undying love to Jakey-poo," Jared answered with a laugh at the end.

"_What_?" I burst out. Or rather, the caveman demanded in a rage.

"Everyone who knows Bella is well aware that she's had a hard-on for Jake ever since they were yay high," Embry explained, indicating the height of an obviously pre-pubescent Bella. "Well, I don't think Jake was ever _yay_ high, but still."

"Too bad for her Jake-" Jared continued, but his voice was drowned out by the Tarzan-like call to action within me.

I practically ran in the direction Bella and Jake had disappeared to and violently flung open the first door in the hallway, to find Jasper zipping up his pants and my sister smoothing down her dress.

"Motherfucker!" I cried out, losing my determined momentum for a moment.

"I wish people would stop calling me that," Jasper said acrimoniously, grabbing his jacket from the pile on the bed and pulling it on. "Alice very obviously isn't anyone's mother."

"This... I... ugh," I said, backing out of the doorway and stumbling down the hallway once more.

When I reached the next door, I decided to pause for a moment, not wanting a repeat of my previous experience. I listened for a moment, only vaguely acknowledging that I had turned into a creeper. I could hear soft voices on the other side, but couldn't make out what they were saying above the distant thump of music. I found myself quietly pushing the door open, solidifying my newfound stalker status.

"You're my girl," Jake was saying, his tone tender. "If anyone's going to ruin my things, it might as well be you."

"You're such a generous friend," Bella replied, her voice softer and gentler than I'd ever heard it.

"I know, you don't deserve me." I felt the caveman sink pathetically to its knees as Jake bent down and pressed his lips to Bella's. I slumped forward slightly, causing the door to creak and Bella and Jake to turn to me abruptly, still wrapped up in their embrace.

I couldn't stand it another minute. Finally, after all this time, I had found a girl who didn't bore me. Who actually made me feel something besides the constant, predictable numbness. The first fucking time I let my guard down... and _this_ happens.

"I…" I managed to croak. "Yeah… I'm leaving." I turned and walked determinedly away from them. I heard Bella calling out to me but I didn't break my stride. The hallway was swimming in front of me, rage and crippling disappointment distorting everything around me.

I vaguely recognized familiar faces in my peripheral vision, but I wouldn't let them deter me. I knew that I was dangerously close to some sort of outburst and I needed to get out of there before I caused a scene.

I felt a violent tug on my sleeve. "Will you just _stop_?" Bella asked breathlessly.

"Do you mind? I was leaving." My tone was harsh but indignant. I could just never get it right.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Bella demanded.

It took every shred of self restraint not to yell when I responded. "I don't have a fucking problem. I'm just leaving. You found your friends, my job is done."

"So, now I'm a fucking _job_?"

"No, but you are a fucking piece of work," I spat back so suddenly it caught me by surprise.

"Ex_cuse_ me?"

It all came tumbling out then. Everything that I had been thinking but denying. Every insecurity and neuroticism that I worked so hard at keeping at bay. "Since we arrived here, all you've been doing is macking on guys in dark corners. I don't know what kind of sick situation you have going on here, but I don't think I need to be dragged into it."

"Can you please translate? I don't speak _psycho_." Bella was practically screeching now. So much for not causing a scene.

"Listen, I'm a one girl kinda guy. And, yes, I've experimented before, but I'm not really into threeways so much. So, if you want to be with those guys, fine by me. But I won't have any part of it." Wow. I didn't know where that had come from, but I cursed the part of my brain that had "overshare" as an automatic reaction to confrontation.

"Experimented?" she asked, distracted from her screeching for a moment. "Threeway? I think you need to give that imagination of yours a rest."

_Thank you, verbal diarrhea, for going there, _I thought angrily. This argument had taken a turn for the weird but I couldn't seem to salvage it, so I powered on. "I'm not blind," I seethed.

"But you are _stupid_," she hissed. "Jacob is my best friend. My _gay_ best friend. James is his _boyfriend_."

_Huh? How did I not notice that? _I wondered, my mind swimming with confusion.

_You were too busy being a paranoid loser to notice._

_Well, thanks for clarifying that __now__, stupid, unreliable subconscious mind._

"So, what was up with all the whispering and kissing?" I asked, frustrated and exhausted with the miscommunication and misunderstanding.

"I told Jake about totaling his car. We were reconciling, douchebag." She emphasized the last word by punching me the shoulder. The girl had freakish upper body strength

"Again with the hitting," I complained, rubbing my arm.

"Pansy," she spat.

"Abuser," I retaliated.

We sized each other up for another moment before my stubborn mind decided it still wasn't done with the interrogation. "What about James? You two looked mighty cozy?"

"That is none of your business," she responded, straightening up and jutting her chin out proudly.

"Right." I nodded slowly. So, that's how it was going to be. "I'm over this. I'm leaving." I turned on my heel and started in the direction of the elevator again. Obviously I was developing a flair for dramatic exits.

She yanked on my sleeve yet again. "Can you stop trying to storm off for one fucking minute?"

"Can you tell me one real thing about you?"

I didn't even know why I had chosen that particular question to ask, but it seemed to work. Bella let out a tiny gasp in surprise. Only when she took a tentative step back did I realize how close we had been standing. Her expression was filled with naked vulnerability. She said nothing.

"Exactly what I thought." I whispered viciously. This entire night had been a game to her. I had just been the unfortunate loser who had fallen for it.

"You don't know a fucking thing!" She seemed completely bewildered, but I didn't relent.

"Yes, I don't know a thing because you don't tell me anything." It felt strange to have the upper hand for once. Seeing Bella cornered in this way made my throat feel uncomfortably tight. Even in the middle of this argument I couldn't help but be concerned about her. I was terrified of seeing her hurt, and I could tell by her expression that I was doing just that.

"What would you like to know?" she asked, getting right in my face, her voice a dangerous murmur. "Would you like to know how I've been in love with my gay best friend since I knew what love was? Or how I got drunk and slept with his _boyfriend_ in an attempt to somehow be with him by proxy? Or how I've been so ashamed since then, I've been letting his boyfriend manipulate me into staying away from them for fear of him telling on me? Is that fucked up enough for you?"

I let this newly acquired knowledge digest for a split second. All I could think was how perfectly imperfect this girl was, how every new layer intrigued me more than the one before. My anger and frustration and indignation melted away and all that remained was _want_.

"Yes," I replied, my face mere inches from hers.

_Nine._

Somewhere in another world, a crowd of people was counting down to something mildly important. It might as well have been a countdown to the apocalypse for all I cared. The only thing I knew was that my lips were on a collision course for Bella's, and that I wouldn't let anything stop it from happening.

"You don't want this much crazy in your life." Bella's voice was the only sound in my universe.

_Seven._

"Who says I don't like 'em crazy?" I grazed my fingertips against her cheek.

_Four._

"You're insane." Her exhale was nothing more than a quivering sigh.

_Two._

"I know," I said, wrapping my arm around her neck and finding perfection in our kiss.

_One._

******¸.¤¯°¤.¸.¤ ¯°¤.¸.¤ ¸.¤¯°¤.¸.¤ ¯°¤.¸.¤ ¸.¤¯°¤.¸.¤ ¯°¤.¸.¤ ¸****¸.¤¯°¤.¸.¤ ¯°¤.¸.¤ ¸.¤¯°¤.¸.¤ ¯°¤.¸.¤ ¸.¤¯°¤.¸.¤ ¯°¤.¸.¤ ¸****¸.¤¯°¤.¸.¤ ¯°¤.¸.¤ ¸.¤¯°¤.¸.¤ ¯°¤.¸.¤ ¸.¤¯°¤.¸.¤ ¯°¤.¸.¤ ¸**  


**A/N: **Happy New Year everyone :) Here's to hoping that we all find our very own awkward Edwards without having to crash any cars this year.


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